Tori's Path

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T21:44:00.000-05:00

Grant and I are off to my parent's house in NH tomorrow morning to spend Christmas Eve and Day with my family. Then on the 26th we're off to Kansas to see his family! I think this is going to be the best Christmas ever. And maybe the last one where I have actual time off to spend days and days with the people I love instead of just a few hours as is normal for people in the hospitality industry. I am very lucky this year to have this opportunity to see everyone so close to the holiday. I don't know when this will happen again.

Grant and I are all moved into our new apartment. It is perfect! Now we just need the gas company to cooperate so we can get hot water!! (long story) and Comcast to come when we get back so we will have our own internet.

I have even more to be thankful for. I got a job! I start January 3rd, the day after we get back. It's easily within walking distance of my apartment too!

In other news: I am selling my car. :( I am really really going to miss her. She was my first car, and anyone who was reading my blog when I first started blogging will remember when I bought her. But, since my job is within walking distance, and Grant has a car, there is just no need for me to have it. I can't afford to register, inspect, and insure it either. I am not going to complain about saving money from avoiding all that! Not to mention the winter parking ban in Montpelier which has me up at 7am every day to move my car from a parking lot to a free spot on the street.

Anyway, I just wanted to give an update and tell everyone Happy Christmas! I hope everyone has a wonderful time. :) See you after the new year!

Music Monday: Christmas Music!

2011-12-19T19:51:00.000-05:00

Happy Holidays everyone!

21!

2011-12-14T18:34:00.000-05:00

Today is my 21st birthday! Ahh yes, very exciting. I'm happy and all, but it's really not as exciting as all that. I am going to the bar with a friend to see if there are any free drinks to be had for this birthday girl, and then we'll just be hanging out until Grant gets out of class at 10. It's probably bed time shortly after that because I have to be up early tomorrow. I have 2 job interviews tomorrow! And then on Friday Grant and I are going to look at some possible apartments.

How have I spent my birthday so far? Well Grant made me a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich on a bagel for breakfast. (yay!) And then later when we went to the NECI cafeteria for lunch Grant's car decided it wasn't going to start. Turns out the battery is dead. After trying to jump it ourselves to no avail we called AAA to come to our rescue. An hour later the guy jumped us with his super-power jumper (apparently when we tried to jump it the battery was just too dead for regular cables) and we bought a battery from AAA for $120.

Fast forward to me meeting friends for dinner to find a $15 parking ticket on my car. Damn. This is just not our month for cars and money! I'll admit the parking ticket was totally justified, just wishing I hadn't gotten it.

So that is the quick briefing of what has been going on. Hopefully I'll have more information soon about jobs and apartments. I have another thing or two up my sleeves that I am keeping hush hush because I don't know how they might turn out.

And a little something to make up for missing this week's Music Monday:

Not Moving Afterall...

2011-12-10T18:53:00.000-05:00

So we have had a major change in plans! Everything got turned upside down in less than a week. It started last Saturday when Grant noticed the heater/AC unit in his car wasn't working. Lucky for us we haven't been getting snow so we could still drive without needing to defrost the windows. We dropped his car off at the mechanic on Monday and they told us it was going to be a $600-something dollar part. With labor, taxes, and the oil change and new wiper blades his car needed the total cost to make his car good to go? $940. That was a painful check to write.

I had some people ask, "Well why did you fix it? Why not just go without heat?" I just wanted to ask these people if they had ever tried to drive a car without heat in a New England winter. Your windows are iced over on the outside, foggy on the inside, and you literally can't see out of any of them until your car has sat there with the heat on for 5 minutes. It isn't ourselves keeping warm we were concerned with, it was being able to safely drive the car.

Anyway, that means we don't have the money to afford an apartment in Park City. Park City is expensive beyond reason. We had people give us plenty of suggestions. "Live in the youth hostel, find a heated storage unit and live in it, just move from temporary housing to temporary housing." None of these sounded at all appealing to us. Maybe we just have too high a standard of living?

So Grant went and talked with the financial aid department at NECI and asked if he could fast track. Fast tracking is skipping the internship altogether and moving on to his BA classes. We originally wanted to do that. We tried to talk to them months ago and they said unless he paid the entire tuition up front he couldn't. They weren't willing to estimate his grants and loans based on what he received before. For some reason they were willing to help him this time!

For a little while we weren't sure of what we were going to do. Find a place less expensive to move to? Go live with his friends in Kansas City? It was stressful not knowing, so I am glad we figured out we are definitely staying. It isn't a bad thing at all, especially because it was our original plan 5 months ago.

The problem? I told my work 3 months ago that my last day was going to be December 21st. They have already replaced me. I am now out of a job. I'm trying to figure out if there is a job within another department at the same hotel I can possibly move to. So far I have been offered a position paying much less money and it is only 4 days a week. I can't take that much of a pay cut and still afford to pay my bills. So as of right now I still don't have a job.

We also don't have an apartment. We are trying to find an amazingly cheap 1 bedroom apartment for just us, or a 2 bedroom and a roommate. We are looking at house shares. No luck yet.

So with the thoughts of "I don't have a job after the 21st, and we don't have an apartment after the 1st." running through my head, I have been worrying myself sick. Literally. I am sick because I've been stressing over this. I just need to calm down and trust that things will work out, but that is so much easier said than done! I want to know that we are going to be okay financially.

We have amazing friends, though. When I was crying and freaking out last night they told me that I was being really silly. "Worst case scenario you come and stay with us until you find another place and you try to work with the school." were their exact words. I feel blessed to have friends who are so willing to give us there extra room.

And I have to say that I am still happier this year than I was this time last year. This time last year Grant had just left to go to Florida for 6 months and I was depressed. I have great friends. An amazing boyfriend. And I am still going to find a way for us to see both our families around the holidays. Really, things aren't that bad. Please keep us in your thoughts though, because I could really use a job and a cheap apartment.

I'm off to send out my resume some more and scour for more apartment opportunities. Maybe I'll be able to rest a little after and my headache will go away. I am too stressed and tired to clean my apartment, which is saying something considering I clean when I get stressed 90% of the time...

I'll keep you posted! Warm wishes to all!

Music Monday

2011-12-05T14:15:00.000-05:00

I know there are only a few singers on here, but these are damn good songs. Well, they are if you like country. ;)

Packing...

2011-12-01T21:13:00.001-05:00

Grant and I are slowly packing our things. This calls for some tough decisions, and the realization that we have a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff that, when it comes down to leaving it or lugging it across the country, we're opting to leave it in the closet at my parent's house.

Goodbye more than half my clothes. Half my shoes. Most of my books and movies. I just hope everything we are bringing fits in the car. (hopefully my parents don't give me unneeded stuff for Christmas, or we're screwed) We should be fine if we find a furnished apartment.

On that note, still no luck finding an apartment. Or a job. I almost had a panic attack today thinking about both of those things and the amount of money we have in savings versus the amount of money we might need. I'm still fighting myself to not worry about it.

Yes, we still have time. But not a lot. It's December, and we're moving in less than a month. Yikes. Please wish us luck!

My parents come up this weekend with Tia and our dog Cuda, and they are taking some things back with them. I am very excited to see my sister in just a couple days! And my dog. And my parents. I'm just all around excited for this weekend! Spa day with Tia; lunch with the family. I can't wait! :D

Baking on a Cool Day

2011-11-29T18:03:00.000-05:00

Grant and I had Sunday and Monday off, and yesterday I got the urge to bake. It was a cool, rainy day. The rain, of course, melted all the snow we got last week. So now it's slushy and gross out. Anyway it was a perfect baking day! Plus my sweet tooth wanted something. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I finally chose to make Russian Tea Cakes. I think I first made these in my senior year of high school. I believe I made them for a cookie goodie bag I was giving out to people. I made them again last year with my sister just for us. I've finally perfected the recipe this year!

•1 cup butter
•1 teaspoon vanilla extract
•6 tablespoons confectioners' sugar
•2 cups all-purpose flour
•1 teaspoon milk
•1 cup ground walnuts (optional but recommended)
•1/3 cup confectioners' sugar for decoration

1.Preheat oven to 350 degrees F
2.In a medium bowl, cream butter and vanilla until smooth. Combine the 6 tablespoons confectioners' sugar and flour; stir into the butter mixture until just blended. Add milk. Mix in walnuts. Roll dough into 1 inch balls, and place them 2 inches apart on an ungreased cookie sheet.
3.Bake for 12 minutes in the preheated oven. When cool, roll in remaining confectioners' sugar.

Why did they come out so much better this year? I did something a little differently that I hadn't done before. I actually added the nuts. I was never a big nut-in-my-cookies fan before, so I had always excluded them. It says optional, right? True, but even adding a little extra flour just doesn't get the same taste or texture. I actually didn't have walnuts, but I did have almonds. Almonds worked perfectly, and I honestly don't think I'll use walnuts next time I make these just because they turned out so well! If I had had any almond extract I would have added that, but we didn't.

Another alteration I made was in the powder coating. I had extra ground almonds, so I mixed that with the powdered sugar. YUM! These made our rainy cold day better. :) What have you baked recently?

Music Monday

2011-11-28T09:07:00.000-05:00

Here's another playlist for you. Enjoy! :)

Thanksgiving With Friends, and a Bailey's Cheesecake

2011-11-27T14:22:00.000-05:00

Grant and I just celebrated our first Thanksgiving together. This was our first Thanksgiving spent together because last year he went home to celebrate with his family. It's a very important holiday in his family. It was the first time in 10 years Grant hasn't cooked with his dad, so he was feeling a little homesick. To make him feel a little better we made something he's always made with his dad for the holidays, a Bailey's Cheesecake. YUM! This is probably the best ~~cheesecake~~ dessert I've ever eaten.

He "frosted" it with whipped cream, and dusted it with chocolate shavings.

I know I skipped right to dessert, but that was what we made for the meal. The rest of the meal was made by our friends. We started with snacks, some of my favorites were the baked brie and the goat cheese logs. Have you ever had baked brie? It is one of the easiest, most delicious snacks you can make. And perfect for a party!

Goat Cheese Logs. From left to right-
Dill and Lemon Zest
Chocolate Ganache with Hazelnuts
Pistachios & Cranberries with Honey

The baked brie is puffed pastry, brie, fig and raspberry preserves. You bake it and out comes deliciousness! You can serve it by itself or with crackers.

Our friends brined the turkey for 3 days before smoking it on Thursday morning. This bird came out beautifully! It had great flavor, and I think it was better than the roast turkey we also had.

Along with the turkey were all the fixings. It was a great meal and I can't thank our friends enough for having us over! When we finally sat down the table was beautifully set.

We all had a great time. I feel bad that Grant and I didn't stay very long after the meal to help with clean up, but we were asleep on the couch by 8:00. I had to work in the morning from 7-3, but I made it in time to see my friends and eat some good food, which is what counts. We had a terrific holiday, and I hope everyone else did too!

Music Monday

2011-11-21T18:01:00.000-05:00

I originally wanted to post a mixwit tape for this, but upon searching for the site quickly found out it has closed. I guess I'm out of the loop! Oh well, a little research and I found a new playlist maker. Here's 10 songs. :)

Moving to Utah

2011-11-20T11:14:00.000-05:00

I keep saying I'll give you the details about us moving to Utah, and then I don't. Sorry! Well, here it is.

You may not know, but for our school we have to do internships. We have the opportunity to work in restaurants and hotels all around the country, and sometimes outside of the country. Grant has been very lucky with his internships. Last year he had the opportunity to go to work in a private club in Florida. He learned a tremendous amount! (and got to sit on a beach while I was freezing in snow up to my belly button here in VT) This year he was offered another fabulous job/internship with a great restaurant in Park City, Utah. He asked me if Utah sounded like a good place to go for 6 months, and I said "heck yes!" I've only been as far west as Kansas, and that was only for a few days. I actually get to go live out there for 6 months now!

Luckily I am done with school now, so I have nothing holding me back from going with him this time. Too bad they get more snow there than we do here... Oh well, maybe next year we'll go somewhere warm. We have plenty of time to think about it.

I do not have a job out in Park City yet. Most places want me there for the beginning of December, the start of the busy season. There are too many things I'd miss by going out there early, so I have decided that is not an option. I'd rather have a job before we get out there, but at the same time I know that if I don't it really won't be long before they have an opening somewhere worth working at. The hospitality industry has the highest employee turnover.

We also don't have an apartment yet... that is making me nervous! We're looking every day, though. Most people just haven't started placing ads for apartments available in January yet. If anyone knows of anything, feel free to pass it along!

I Love my Job, But my Boyfriend More

2011-11-19T21:17:00.000-05:00

Conversation with Grant that took place the other day:

Me: I really love my job! My supervisor is finally noticing everything I do at work, and he's really appreciative. He said he's not looking forward to me leaving next month. I like the people I work with, everyone is so helpful and nice. The resort is beautiful and most of the time the guests are laid back and relaxed. How am I going to find a job just as wonderful in Park City?!

Grant: I'm going to be the good boyfriend here and tell you something you already know, you don't need to go to Utah with me. We can do long distance again if you want to.

Me: You're an idiot if you think I want to be away from you for 6 months again. It's just a job, I know I'll find another!

He really is wonderful. He didn't have to say that I had the choice not to go with him, I already knew that. He also already knew I had made the decision to go wherever he was going a long time ago! Being in a long distance relationship with him for 6 months was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was worth every second when I finally got to be in his arms again. I am very excited to be moving to Utah with him!

Something I realized a while ago was that people will always take precedence in my life. No job will ever be more important than my family. Grant is definitely considered family to me, and being with him is more important than a job. Does this mean I have bad work ethic? No. I arrive at work early every day, I work my butt off while I'm there, and then I happily get my butt home when my work day is done! Coming home to him is one of the best parts of my day. :D

One Minute Mystic

2011-11-19T08:49:00.000-05:00

I found this article and I felt the need to share. It is called The One Minute Mystic and I think it really shows that we can stay connected even in the midst of our busy days. I know that even on days where I'm not "busy" I find myself unable to sit down and meditate. We should all take a few moments from our day to appreciate what we have and the beauty of the universe around us. This is something I have personally been struggling with lately. I haven't done yoga or meditation in months, probably close to a year. *sigh* I remember when I did yoga and meditated almost every day during my senior year of high school. I felt so much more in touch with the world around me then! I need to train myself to get back to that, even if it's just a few moments a day.

Looking to the Future

2011-11-18T20:38:00.000-05:00

That last post was really just a big rant, so I apologize about that. I really am very thankful the last year is over with, though. Time to look to the future!

In my immediate future: Work, cleaning the house and stressing about money, finding an apartment, and finding a job. That's a daily basis thing for me.

My sister, Tia, is turning 16 on December 3rd. Exciting! And nerve racking. She's my baby sister... so I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. To celebrate we are going to the resort I work at and we are both getting massages. This is going to be such a treat! I've been working there since April and still haven't taken advantage of the $40 50 minute massage... and that's including gratuity. It's mostly because I would rather spend my money on other people rather than myself. Which is why the only way this was going to happen is if I was going to the spa with someone. We'll be celebrating the day after her birthday, as I know the spa is much slower and in need of business on Sundays than they are on Saturdays.

Also MY birthday is coming up on December 14th. More specifically my 21st birthday. I am excited and happy, but less so than I thought I would be. At least for the actual night. I'm not really into partying. And getting so drunk I throw up does not sound fun at all. I am much more excited for the following Sunday when Grant and I will be taking advantage of another perk from the resort I work at; the employee room rate! $100 on Friday and Saturday, $50 every other night. For a 4 diamond hotel that is fantastic! Just a night away with him and no other worries sounds perfect to me. :)

My last day at work is going to be the 21st of December. Then I'll be packing and seeing family for the holiday, then it's time for the big move! That's for the next post, though. ;)

I Deserve a ******* Medal

2011-11-17T09:00:00.000-05:00

Excuse the implied profanity, I don't actually swear that often but I think it fits perfectly with the feeling of this post. Can I just say thank GODS the last 6 months are over with? Wait, scratch that, thank Gods the last YEAR is over with. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad, just stressful. I wouldn't change a thing. Well, maybe a couple of things. But I learned, and that's what's important. Shall I start at the beginning?

This time last year I was a full time BA student taking 7 or 8 classes at the same time and each one giving me hours of homework. I was stressing about that and the fact that my boyfriend was going to be leaving shortly to move to Florida for 6 months. Boo. :( Fast forward to a crappy 20th birthday, a sad Christmas and New Years, an even sadder Valentine's Day, and just me continually being stressed out and dealing with a long distance relationship. Then, BOOM! On-ground classes are over, I'm still technically a full time student, but it's just online class, and I got to go to Florida to finally see Grant again. Florida was AMAZING. Warmth, sun, palm trees, cute little lizards, the whole shebang.

I come back to VT and live with a crazy lady for a little while since Grant is still in Florida and our future roommates can't move in with me until June. I start working full-time at an awesome resort and I love my job.

June rolls around and I get to fly to Kansas and drive back to VT with Grant. Road trips are fun! We move in with our roommates with, yet another crazy lady. We move out before July comes. What a hellish month that was. We found a great apartment, though! Since then I've been working full-time still at the resort, going to class online, cleaning our tiny apartment after our messy roommates, and taking care of Grant and myself.

Yeah. I'll repeat. I deserve a medal.

I am 100% done with classes now. I can have a life again!

Next up on my agenda: spa day with my (not so) little sister. She's turning 16 soon, and I'm taking her to the spa at my resort. :) More on that in a later post. Also getting ready to move to Utah! I'll have another post about that as well.

Meet Grant

2011-05-22T11:53:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone! I said I was back, but disappeared again. Well I'm going to do that a lot probably... Life is crazy busy. But it's going well! This post is both an update and an introduction. I want to tell you all a little bit more about my boyfriend Grant, since you'll probably hear a lot about him.

There we are! We took that picture of us at a mall in Florida when I went down to see him. He was down there for his internship at a private country club. Other than those short 5 days of heaven, we've been apart for almost 6 months now. But, in 4 days I will be flying down to Kansas (where he's been visiting friends and family for the last month) and I get to meet his family and friends. It will be nice to be with him again, and finally put an end this long-distance thing. I've missed him like crazy.

How we met: He went to NECI for the culinary program, he started much later than me. We met last summer in August. He is still attending school, and has just completed his first internship. He'll be back in VT soon to finish his AOS degree and then he is going to continue with the BA Culinary program.

He is an amazing cook! I will probably be posting a lot about the things he makes that I get to eat, but if you'd like to see some past meals and hear from his own mouth about his creations you can check out his blog. He is very dedicated to his school and work. His blog is delightful to read. Yes, I'm biased, but I'm also telling the truth.

He is 25. He shaves his head, in case you were wondering. He has gotten me hooked on Dr. Who! He's a geek, and I love it. He's going to teach me to play a game called 40k, and while he's been home he's been playing D&D with his friends. He loved books and reading just as much as I do. I can talk to him about anything! The first night we hung out we talked for hours about everything we could think of.

This blog used to be an outlet for me to talk about my spirituality. I now have Grant to share these things with, which is wonderful. He supports me in everything I do, and makes me want to try even harder to do well.

I could go on forever about him, but I'll end this post before it gets too long and boring for you all. You might not hear from me until we get back from Kansas. We're driving back up and then moving into a house with our friends. I will have pictures of the gorgeous house we'll be living in, and probably some pictures of delicious food. Until then, TTFN!

Things I've Been Enjoying

2011-02-20T21:56:00.000-05:00

Random update for you all. Little fun things I've been enjoying recently.

Wayward Sons: Legends
This webcomic is very entertaining to read- especially if you know your mythology! It has a great story line and funny, semi-related, updates on the weekends.

Food Porn Daily
Appropriate for work! Just maybe not if you've missed your lunch break. These food pictures will make you drool and your stomach rumble. I can sit for hours clicking and staring at picture after picture of delicious looking food.

Post Secret
I think most people know Pose Secret. It's a fun website to read on Sundays.

Plants vs Zombies
I have this game on my iPod and I love it! It has become my go-to game for de-streesing and blowing time at night before bed.

Angry Birds
Angry Birds is such an addicting game! I was addicted to it, then I beat all the levels and lost interest. Still, it's fun to play!

Those are the main things that keep me amused when I'm not talking to Grant, hanging with friends, watching movies, reading or, of course, doing homework. Oh- add working to that. I got the RA position! And I am working at the school's restaurant now, running food and backwaiting. Did I mention that? It's almost bed time, so forgive me. Hope you guys are enjoying the random life updates!

What I've Been Up To

2011-02-16T20:04:00.002-05:00

Since I've been gone for so long I thought you may want to know what I've been up to for almost a year! You probably know most of this if you are my Facebook friend.

•I have been stressed (haha, not unexpected and not so different from this time last year)
•I have been doing very well in school (if I may toot my own horn, also not unexpected or different)
•I have an awesome boyfriend of almost 6 months now
oI have never met anyone as amazing as him and he makes me happier than I have ever been
•I miss my pets
•A year and a half straight of living in the dorms is kind of making me crazy
•I am applying to be an RA for my last month and a half of living here, fingers crossed, I should hear back on Saturday
•I’m starting to read more books, working them into my small amount of free time
o7 Habits of Highly Effective People
oThe Radical Edge
•I’m watching a bunch of movies lately (Grant and I have movie dates from 1300 miles away, cute right?)
oCurrently making my way through the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, wicked long movies, but good
•Music has kept me sane, I can listen to it while doing my hours and hours of homework
oJack Johnson, Cartel, and Train are my latest favorites, anything country still holds my heart, though
•I miss cooking meals and baking goodies
•Grant and I are currently planning on going to New Zealand or Australia during his final internship

Yep, so this is what's new in my life. Less generic posts to come soon! Maybe some stuff I've been learning in class. :)

I'm Back!

2011-02-08T09:45:00.004-05:00

WOW! So, life is crazy. I am now in the final 2 months of my residency at NECI. I am a MOD 6 (just means how long you've been here, like being a senior) and I am very much ready to be DONE! I love school, but I can't wait to live in my own apartment and work somewhere wonderful. I won't be going far, though. In fact I most likely won't be leaving the town. My boyfriend, Grant, is currently in Florida for his internship. He will be back in VT for his next residency portion of school in June, so I don't plan on leaving. I have never been this happy before, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.

Yes, though, I am back to blogging! I have missed it. I need more than just school and talking to Grant in my life. That's all it has been for the last 2 months. Most likely you won't hear from me too frequently. I still have another month and a half left of classes! And it's going to be the most hectic month and a half of my life so far. I need to find an internship, earn money to be able to afford an apartment, find an apartment, and still deal with my crazy classes and large homework load.

I really am loving my life. I get demotivated at times, but then I remember why I'm doing all this: I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. I love this crazy industry I'm planning to work in. I want to make people happy through good hospitality. I love food.

Just as an example for how infrequent my posts will most likely be, it has taken me a week to write this one! I can't wait to begin blogging again. :)

Happy Summer Solstice!

2010-06-21T08:12:00.002-04:00

Hey all! I'm alive. Busy, sad, stressed, frustrated, but alive! Hopefully with this turning of the wheel my luck will change? Everything else is changing, so who knows.

Anyway- I want to wish everyone a Happy Summer Solstice! We couldn't ask for a more beautiful day here. Too bad I have work. I hope you all have nice weather and the time to enjoy it! If I'm not dead tired when I get back tonight I'll be going for a walk. It will be dark by then, but it should still be nice out. It's supposed to be a clear night. :)

Week 1 of Internship

2010-06-11T18:31:00.002-04:00

Week one is over! Done! =) And what an exhausting week it was. Monday and Tuesday I was terrified. It was basically just training and me getting used to the place. Wednesday was set-up for the big event at Shelburne Farms. Thursday and Friday was the big event! It was the Slow Money Conference. The conference was a lot of fun to cater! Very busy, since there were almost 600 people there. I am just relieved for it to be the weekend. Who knows what will happen? Life is good right now.

Week Off

2010-05-31T08:07:00.002-04:00

I'm home for a week! Well, I'm at my parent's house for a week. It just doesn't feel like home. Sadly enough, my dorm does now. That could change. A good chunk of my friends all left for internship. I still have a few friends there luckily. I have to make new ones when the new group comes in... Of course by this time I'll be working at Sugarsnap, and even more of my friends will have left for their internships. It makes me want to cry, the thought of being up there with no friends. My friends pulled me through so much. And if my parent's house isn't home, and if the people who made college home are gone- then what is home? I just don't know anymore.

I came here to escape from drama for a week. That's all school has been for a while now, drama. Unfortunately I forgot that my family has just as much drama. I already can't wait to go back to Montpelier. At least there it's my own drama I'm dealing with and not everyone else's.

I obviously have a huge resistance to change. I always get panicky when a major change is coming. I don't deal with it as well as I could or should. I know I need to learn to accept change, I just don't know how. I get comfortable and I like where I am. Then everything gets turned upside down.

I think that's it for the insightful, thoughtful, meaningful whining. I feel like starting my day soon. I could use a shower, a cute outfit, and of course breakfast. So here is a list of yays and nays going on in my life.

YAY!
Cats cuddling with me while I'm home
Big bed to sleep in
Care packages from friends
Family that loves me
Seeing friends I haven't seen in a while
Music
Warm days

NAY!
Money problems
Budgeting
Boy problems- still
Annoying family drama
A messy bedroom
Panicky feeling in my gut
Songs that make me sad but I listen to anyway

Just to make this into a sandwich of good, bad, good- have you guys seen this video? It is SO cute!

Pieces are Falling into Place

2010-05-14T09:43:00.005-04:00

YES! On Thursday I got an email from the place I interviewed at last week for a possible internship. I got it! I will be working at Sugarsnap starting in June. I am so excited! It's exactly what I want. This is like a huge pressure off my shoulders! I even know what I'm doing for housing. It's not ideal, but I'll be staying in the dorms.

I have been busy the last few weeks. I've got a few of my big projects turned in now. Only another two weeks of school! Well, at least until October when I continue into BA program. I can't believe how many of my friends are leaving at the end of the month, I am going to miss them all so much.

I have been doing more than just schoolwork, though. I've been getting community service hours done. Picking up cigarette butts is gross. But so worth not having to pay a bigger fine and not having a mark on my record. I have been hanging out a lot too. Swimming when it decided to be nice out. We had 80 degree days! Then we got more snow. New England weather....

I'm recovering from a nasty cold. I didn't get sick all winter. Why'd I have to get sick now? Ugh. At least I'm getting better. I am actually attending my friends' pig roast today. Can you say YUM? I'll be DDing for it. Whoo hoo babysitting drunk people! I have to say it is very entertaining.

Any way, just a random update on my life. Which I am loving every minute of. I hope everyone is doing well.

Excited Over Compost

2010-04-24T09:49:00.002-04:00

So, for my Capstone Project I emailed the composting company my school uses (Vermont Compost Company) asking them what kind of compostable products they accepted. I asked specifically about biodegradable take-out containers and compostable kitchen gloves. The email I got back shocked me.

Hi Tori

We do not currently accept "compostable" products but we know there are new things coming out all the time and we realize that we need to start re-considering some of the options. Could you get samples for us and info about the suppliers?

Thanks!

Jennifer

I think I even squealed when I read that email! I am so excited that I have the chance to help this big company possibly change their policies and accept man-made compostable products in their bins.

I was telling my parents about this and my mom says they might consider beginning to compost. It took me forever to get them to recycle, so that would be a big step. I just need to gather info about the benefits of composting, why it's so important, and how to do it. (I'm supposed to do this for my project anyway) Once I get this info I can share it with more than just my family. I can share it with schools, restaurants, and anyone else who will listen.

I am truly more excited about all this than I am about the beautiful 70 degree day being predicted, that I can wear a skirt, and that I'm hanging out with a bunch of friends today. This weekend is going to be so awesome.

Change

2010-04-20T08:31:00.004-04:00

It's good, right? I certainly hope so because just about all that's been happening lately is changes.

I am busier than ever now! I have five projects I'm working on (one of those is finding my internship...) on top of weekly homework assignments.

There are only SIX WEEKS of school left. This is terrifying for multiple reasons. One being that I don't have an internship yet. Another being that it means saying goodbye to a lot of friends. And finally that means I only have six weeks to complete my capstone project.

Did I tell you about my capstone project? I'm trying to make NECI a greener school. I'm doing a ton of research about compostable gloves and biodegradable trash bags. I get a headache just thinking about all the research, emails, and phone calls involved in this.

I am planning the next appreciation dinner for the students who are leaving. Well I'm in charge of the front of house aspect of it! They have other people taking care of the food part of it, I'll be consulting with them.

I am planning something for Green Up Day on May 1st. Is this something that only takes place in Vermont? Anyway I'm excited about that.

Did I mention that my fines from getting in trouble for drinking are now officially all paid off? I've been working. Yay money! I still have community service hours, but that shouldn't be too hard.

I have a new roommate. It's my awesome friend Lexie, so I'm really happy about it.

As of last night I have a date on Sunday. I am wicked nervous about it. Did you know I've never been on a date? Seriously. I'm going to the movies with a nice guy, though. As nervous as I am I'm also excited.

One thing that hasn't changed is I still have a great group of friends who I hang out with whenever I'm not (or they're not) doing mass quantities of homework. I love having a social life.

More Love

2010-03-29T16:14:00.002-04:00

Angela at The Pagan Mom Blog has gifted me this sweet blog award. Thanks! I needed something to blog about. =]

These are the rules of the award

1.Thank the person who gave you this award.
2.Share 7 things about yourself.
3.Pass the award along to 4 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!
4.Contact the bloggers you’ve picked and let them know about the award.

My 7 Things

1. I am forever the optimist. It takes a lot to get me down usually. The little episode where I was sad for a couple weeks really scared me. I'm glad that it's over, thanks to my AMAZING friends showing me that I'm loved.
2. People are very important to me. I didn't realize this until I came to school. I never thought of myself as absolutely needing to be around others who I know care about me, but it is something I need. I'm not sure how I feel about this.
3. I enjoy pushing myself to go farther than I think I can. I want to know that I can do things. I get very down on myself when I mess something up.
4. There are times when I have no control over my emotions. My emotions scare me, and I don't share the negative ones very often. When I lose control over them I don't know who I am.
5. I am a 5-year-old at heart. I have a jump rope, sidewalk chalk, and balloons.
6. I have punch ball balloons that I punch when I get angry or frustrated. It really works!
7. I have big plans for my future. Since coming to school I constantly worry that there is more expected from me than I want to do, though. If I think about the future too much I get really scared and freak out.

Due to my being so absent as of late I'm not really sure who to pass this on to. If you're reading then please take it and share something about yourself with me! Tell me in a comment if you take it so I can make sure to read your post.

I Love My Friends

2010-03-26T08:53:00.003-04:00

I have the greatest friends in the whole world. They know I've been kind of down lately, so guess what they did for me?

I'm not sad anymore, and I don't think I could possibly feel sad at all the rest of my time here at school with friends like this.

Hola!

2010-03-19T06:46:00.002-04:00

Don't ask why I put the title in Spanish. I don't really know. I'm still a little sleepy... It's before 7AM. I went to bed wicked early last night because I was tired. I convinced myself I'd wake up early and write the paper I have due in.... 6 hours. I will write it, I just don't know what I was thinking saying I'd write it before breakfast! I might be an early to bed, early to rise kind of person- but nothing gets done before breakfast.

I'm actually doing a presentation for one of my classes about the importance of eating breakfast. Yay research! And yay because I was telling my nutrition teacher about the project and she said we'd figure out a way for me to turn it in for her class also. Think I'm gonna turn down extra credit? Heck no!

I realize now that my blog is not anything pagan related what-so-ever anymore. I won't lie, that's because there isn't much pagan related going on in my life. It's more of a "Hey, yeah.... hi. I kind of forgot you existed for a while." thing at the moment. The sad part is I don't know how I can work it more into my life. It's tough to find a free moment.

Wednesday was a bad day. I found out I have to go to deposition for that thing that happened way back in December 2008. It ruined my day to think about that. The state of VT is pretty sure they have a solid case against him, though. Apparently he did this at multiple other stores. I don't want to deal with this. That's the only thing I wanted, to be left alone.

I'm going home for the first time in weeks tonight. My cousin and I are going to see Alice in Wonderland! Then tomorrow morning I have a doctor's appointment. My doctor is concerned that I might be anemic so she wants to draw blood. I'm more than a little freaked out. I am going to need someone (most likely my cousin) to sit on me so I don't get up and run away. Tori + needles = not good. I'm almost okay with getting injections (almost). A tattoo needle doesn't go that deep (plus you get a kick-ass tattoo out if it). But drawing blood? No way. Nuh-uh. I have been avoiding donating blood for years because of this fear. Maybe after this (you know, if I'm not anemic) I'll be okay enough to donate blood. I've wanted to, but I'm a big chicken.

Now that I've written all this I'm tired again. I slept horribly last night. I went to bed thinking about something upsetting, then had dreams all night about hitting someone I dislike in the face. Apparently I'm more violent in my dreams than in real life, because I swear I wouldn't actually hit them.

Updates: RTT Style

2010-03-16T09:57:00.005-04:00

I decided to play along with Random Tuesday Thoughts.

I'm in my nutrition class right now. Not only have I been on my computer the whole time, but I have been answering 50% of the questions the teacher asks. I feel really good about my multi-tasking ability.

As part of our nutrition class we are keeping track of everything we eat. Eye opening? Definitely. Useful? Kind of. I'm working more fruits and vegetables into my diet now, but I don't have a lot of control over what I eat usually. I eat whatever they serve at the cafeteria.

I'm hooked on this website My Life is Average. It's funny and makes me happy. Go there!

I have an appointment with a substance abuse counsellor on Thursday. It's going to cost me $110. This little fuck up is costing me a lot of money. State of Vermont, you have your wish I've realized drinking underage is not worth it. Happy?

We just started cooking on the line yesterday. Every Monday we will be cooking lunch for The Grill. We were all so scared, but it turns out it was pretty easy. And fun! I'm looking forward to next Monday. The only thing is by 7:00 last night I felt like I was gonna die. Being in the kitchen is a lot more physically exhausting that being in a classroom learning the mental side of the restaurant industry.

I fell asleep last night talking to myself. I was doing Suzie's New Moon Cleansing. She said we had to talk, so I was talking. I woke up feeling better, both physically and spiritually. I'm trying to bring the spiritual back into my life. I guess it's a good thing I realized Ostara is on Saturday. I'll figure out how to celebrate.

Speaking of Ostara and spring- it's wicked nice here! I'm starting to think maybe we won't get hit with one more big snow storm before the end of March. I can only hope the warm is here to stay.

I have a nice group of friends here. Every night we usually watch a movie or play outside. Sometimes both. Tonight we're thinking playing outside so we can enjoy the nice weather. I'm loving college. <3

Reconnecting

2010-03-13T11:00:00.003-05:00

Today I realized just how disconnected I've become. Suzie posted about the new moon coming up on Monday. Really? I had no clue what phase the moon was in. I haven't since November. I even missed the New Year's Eve Blue Moon! I can't believe I've let myself forget all this. Life got in the way. I've been dealing with a lot of emotional baggage, and on Monday I plan to let it all go.

I am determined to bring the cycles and phases back into my life. Even if I can't do anything, just observing them is important.

So, blog buddies, I am asking you please wish me luck with clearing myself of the emotional baggage that has been keeping me down. Wish me luck with bringing my spirituality back into my life. I can get hugs and encouraging words from my friends here at school, but I still haven't found someone with whom I can talk about the cycles and seasons. I don't want to lose it.

2010-03-05T16:20:00.002-05:00

Hey all! I'm alive... honest! I've just been busy. And I'm only going to get busier. I've got three major events for a class coming up over the next two weeks. Tomorrow we are judging the Vermont State Skills USA for table service. On the 14th we get to visit the Boston Food Show. And we have another event on the 18th, in-town luckily. We're going to have a lot of off-site catering events this mod. It's exciting, but so time consuming! I am also working now in the NECI snack shack. Nothing too glamorous. I may also start working in the cafeteria. I need money, so I don't really have a choice.

I paid off my $125 fine with the school for drinking on campus. I still have to pay $175 to the state. And I have to pay to take substance abuse counseling. Plus I have 16 hours of community service. I swear if I never drink underage again the sole purpose of that would be so I don't have to put up with all this bullshit again. My case manager told me to check with my health insurance to see if maybe they cover substance abuse counseling. Great idea, right? So I checked... Of course they don't! =/

Even though I have all those things to pay for I had to buy a new laptop for school. I bought it using scholarship money. I love it! I am relieved to have a working laptop.

Sorry for such a long absence. I'm doing fine. Sorry for the short check-in.

PS- IT FEELS LIKE SPRING! =] I wonder how long it will last? It's saying high 30's - low 40's for the next week and a half. How awesome is that? I'm sorry to anyone still struggling through harsh winter weather.

Ooops

2010-02-21T10:45:00.003-05:00

Well blog buddies I am only human! And a teenager at that. Everyone messes up, right?

Yesterday 3 friends and I were hanging out in one of their dorm rooms. We were playing Jenga and drinking a little. Someone who doesn't like us apparently knew we had the alcohol and decided to call the cops. They told the cops there was a party going on. Since when does 4 people playing Jenga qualify as a party? Anyway 8 cops showed up to bust our 'party'. The cops were pissed because 8 cops is most of the Montpelier police force and they all came to bust up a game of Jenga. They even told a friend of ours how badly they felt after because they made me and Lexie cry.

We have to pay a fine to the school for drinking on campus. We also have to take a class with the state. After the class this will be wiped off our records. I won't say none of that matters, but it's not the worst of it. The worst for me was telling my parents. They expect so much from me and I've always hated letting them down. I guess disappointing my parents is just a part of growing up. I can't be who they want me to be.

Everyone on campus is pissed that someone narced on us. I mean, why us? There was a girl totally shit-faced and throwing up on the third floor the night before and people get high on campus all the time! We weren't even drunk! I blew a .023, that's like one drink. We're all trying to figure out who the NECI narc is, because that is just not cool. They totally bypassed the RA's and called the cops. What a jerk.

Self-Search Update

2010-02-16T07:24:00.004-05:00

I didn't post as much as I had planned last week. Not even close. But schoolwork piled up, and it still kind of is. We're nearing the end of the mod (NECI's term for semester) so all of our final projects are due soon along with the regularly assigned homework. It's a little hectic!

Valentine's Day sucked. I'm not talking about the movie. Although speaking of movies I did see that movie Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. For anyone who knew anything about Greek Mythology it seemed a little dumbed down. It's based off a book meant for middle schoolers, though, so it has to be expected. It was still a good movie.

Even though I might not be in the mood to write about love like I promised in my last post, I have an update on the self-searching. I asked myself the questions: Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What do I want to get out of life?
I got these answers. I see them as little goals for myself. =]

•I want to excel in the food/ hospitality industry
•I want to become fluent in at least Spanish
•I want to learn how to dance
•I want to learn to play the harp
•I want to enjoy nature
•I want to eat foods that are fresh and local
•I want to travel
•I want to be self-confident
•I want to own my own restaurant some day
•I want to eventually get married, have children, and settle down

The next step is writing down how I can achieve these goals and then actually following through with them. Example: I want to excel in the food/ hospitality industry. The easiest way to achieve this goal would be to continue my education here at NECI. I need to push myself into taking an internship that challenges me a little. But before I can do this I need to get the paperwork in order! See? It's all about steps. I have to organize and prioritize.

I want to become fluent in Spanish. My Spanish class that I've been taking all mod is ending soon! I'm worried I might forget everything I've learned. In order to continue practicing I am considering buying a Nintendo DS so I can buy the My Spanish Coach game. Does anyone know how well the game works? The cool thing is if it works well for Spanish then I can buy the one for French, which I'd also love to become fluent in. Then I could move on to another language if I wanted. Plus I'd have a Nintendo DS and I could buy some other fun games for it. Tetris anyone?

The Secret of Life

2010-02-09T06:39:00.003-05:00

I read a very inspiring blog post on Xanga a few weeks ago. It talked about recognizing the obvious, but then it also spoke of the secret of life. It simplified it so beautifully that it has become the banner on my cell phone. What is the secret of life according to this person? Two things. Learning and Love. The writer also said that the secret was so obvious that most often failed to recognize, let alone realize (he also goes into the difference between recognition and realization in this post) it. The whole thing ties together nicely, teaching three important lessons. I suggest you take a look at it.

Why do I agree so whole-heartedly that these two simple things are indeed the secret of life? 1) Like the author of that post said, it's so damn obvious I can't believe I didn't see it before 2) It feels right 3) I already knew half of it

I knew the learning half of the secret a while ago. I've often said that the purpose in my life was to learn as much as possible. I still agree that I should be absorbing knowledge like a sponge, but the second part of the secret falls into it so perfectly and feels so right that I just know it was waiting to be realized. And I have.

I've realized that you should never be afraid to give love. This link will take you to a page with animation and music, it is a project titled "Love and Fear". It's very moving. It accurately defines both love and fear, and shows how they are connected. Love is the absence of fear. Fear is the absence of love. Nicely put, no?

I think maybe the love half of the secret can get confusing sometimes. I am going to write a post closer to (maybe on) Valentine's Day where I go deeper into what I believe about love.

Time to Re-Evaluate

2010-02-08T09:44:00.003-05:00

After Suzie's 'pity party' (Honestly it was more of a liberating rant-fest for women to realize what they want to change in their lives! I urge you to read what people wrote. It's amazing.) and getting some wonderful advice I realized something. I have changed so much lately that I need to re-evaluate who I am and what I want out of life. I don't know anymore! That seems insane to me. This time last year I was so sure of myself and what I wanted.

Now I know that I never knew what I wanted. I knew what other people wanted for me. I was identifying too much with everyone around me, and I was lost. And for the first five months of being here at college I was trying desperately to hang onto that connection I felt because I was afraid. I'm done letting that fear overcome me! I'm going to spend the next two weeks finding myself. I am going to start with who I was trying to be before, then move on to who I am trying to be now.

The reason I'm squashing it all into two weeks? 1) I like deadlines, they help me get things done 2) In two weeks my cousin is going to be leaving for her internship so I'll really be here on my own 3) My third term here will be starting and I will need to start seriously looking for internships

I know that this is a long process and it will never really be over, but I'm making the next two weeks intense! I'll update my progress here on my blog.

Networking

2010-02-01T10:38:00.004-05:00

So this morning I went to a career fair for school. As all the teachers kept saying, it's a great networking tool. Basically I walked around, talked to people about restaurants and resorts that I have no interest in, and handed out 7 of the 10 resumes I printed. I really hope none of them call me. There weren't any places there that interested me. Or anyone else as far as I could tell. But it was mandatory to attend so we all dressed up and went anyway.

I did mention that I now want to stay on for the BA Hospitality program, right? I just need to find the money for it and fill out the paperwork. If I do end up doing the BA program then my 700 hour internship gets turned into a 350 hour internship, and I'd be coming back to residency in October. Then I get another internship nine months later. If I don't stay on for the BA then I go out for my 700 hour internship in June, graduate, and I'm done. Boom, bam, Associates Degree complete.

I'm just planning on staying for the BA program at this point. Right now I am trying to decide on where I want to intern in June. The real question here for me is do I want to go home for internship or stay around Montpelier? If I stay around Montpelier I can stay in the dorms. If I go home obviously I have my parent's house to stay in. I don't think going home is a good idea. Financially it is, but I think it would be detrimental to my personal growth. Plus I think I'd go nuts. I don't really want to live with my parents again.

The reason I'm so interested in staying around Vermont is because I really love the idea of the Vermont Fresh Network. It partners farmers and chefs, keeping all the food in the restaurant local. This is definitely something I want to learn more about. Coming back for the BA program would mean choosing to either focus my studies on sustainability or wine. I'm much more interested in sustainability. I would learn about agriculture and the environment, exactly what I want!

I went home over the weekend so I could get my taxes and FAFSA done with. (Totally got those out of the way, and I have some money coming back to me for working that terrible summer job!)I also asked my parents to take me out to eat at a certain local restaurent. I was dying to meet this chef. He is not only a NECI graduate, but he is the president of the Vermont Fresh Network. Could it be any more perfect? The possibility of interning at his restaurant (which has an amazing relaxed atmosphere) is the only reason I am considering going home for internship. I did get to meet the chef, however briefly, and he told me to keep in touch if I was looking for an internship around the area.

Haha, I'm finally letting you guys know what's going on with school. I realized that I hadn't been. So what do you think?

Enneagram

2010-01-29T15:24:00.003-05:00

Through the years I've taken a lot of personality tests. They've always interested me. I've been on this path of trying to discover who I am for a while I guess. I've done numerology and know what numbers I am. I know my sun sign, my moon sign, and even my rising sign. I've talked about those before, though. One personality test I took that I think is really accurate it the Enneagram Test.

The first time I took it I actually mistyped myself as a 4. It didn't feel right, and only matched me some of the time. I retook the test and was correctly typed as a 9. It even says that some 9's mistype as 4's. After reading the Type Nine description it not only felt right and matched me all of the time, but I had tears in my eyes. The truth hurts. Every now and then I will re-read the Type Nine description and every time I do I will end up crying a little because it puts into words one of the characteristics I am living at the time. It is amazing to find something that makes it make so much sense. I am a Type Nine to a T.

The line that made me cry this morning? "However, what they generally do not have is a sense of really inhabiting themselves—a strong sense of their own identity."

While reading those words this morning I burst into tears. It's so true. I am reading a more in depth description of the Type Nine now, and once again it hurts to read words that cut so deeply.

"As long as Nines are idealizing other people, they will also tend to devalue themselves. It is as though they project all of the qualities that they feel they cannot have onto the idealized other. Strength, self-assertion, poise, self-confidence, and many other positive qualities are perceived as present in the other and lacking in the self."

"Nines typically "solve" the problem of having aggressions by ignoring them out of existence. When Nines inadvertently act aggressively, they simply deny that they have done so. To a certain degree, the peace of average to unhealthy Nines is therefore something of an illusion, a form of willful blindness, a kind of self-deception. They do not realize that to maintain their peace, they have dissociated themselves from themselves—and from reality."

"Connecting with both parents gives at least healthy to average Nines a sense of support and identity because their identity is more or less "given." However, in the process of psychological and spiritual development, Nines may come to see that the identity they have assumed is not who they really are and that they are often dependent on something outside themselves for support."

I've noticed all these aspects about myself before. I know they're there. I want to know what I can do about them. How do I learn how to be my own person after relying on other people to define who I was for 19 years? This test is very useful for pointing out the problems, not so useful for helping you solve them. Right now I am left feeling empty. I've already begun numbing myself from all these unpleasant thoughts.

I am trying to become my own person. I've always been so indecisive. That needs to stop. How much have I missed out on by choosing to ignore what I want and focus on making those around me happy?

Advice?

2010-01-25T17:37:00.004-05:00

Okay, well not so much advice as would you be willing to share your opinions? I am trying to form my own opinion on the subject and I would greatly appreciate knowing other people's views.

What is your stance on doing things that you might regret later?

I am having a lot of conflicting emotions and thoughts lately. I desperately need someone to talk to, but the one person who knows the situation is the one person I probably shouldn't talk to about it. No, I take that back- I should talk to them, just not until after I figure some things out.

I asked a teacher what she thought about doing things you might regret. Her response? Think about it more, because that means you might be doing something against what you believe is right. What about when I don't know what I believe is right?

Come to think of it I really respect this teacher, maybe I'll ask if I can talk to her about the situation that is distressing me so much. She would probably understand, and I know she wouldn't talk to anyone else about it. I can't trust any of my peers to not talk about it with others. A sad situation, but true.

I can guarantee that if asked most of my peers would also say that I need to live life to it's fullest and just be happy while I can. But what if that means being hurt later? Not thinking ahead gets you in trouble. But it also prevents you from having fun.

It's taking a lot to not cry right now. My cousin is sitting across the room from me, and I don't even feel comfortable talking to her about this. I need an outside opinion.

A Million Things Running Through My Mind

2010-01-21T14:14:00.003-05:00

Homework I could/ should be doing:
•Working on the Fundamentals of Marketing slideshow
•Looking up info for my Taste & Flavor Beverages paper (herbal liqueurs)
•Writing my diario for Espanol
•Writing an editorial about capital punishment (Why is this even an assignment?!)
•Working on the final project for Human Resources
•Reading part 3 of How to Win Friends for Interpersonal Communications
•Reading chapter 10 in the Interpersonal Communications textbook

Other (productive) things I could be doing:
•Coming up with a good argument for the debate I was having with my Human Resources teacher this morning (He doesn’t believe in situational ethics, he says it’s always black or white. I disagree!)
•Reading Setting the Table (this book is so informative! I love it!)
•Studying my Visual Food Lover’s Guide (I’m brushing up on my product ID)
•Writing something cool for the new school paper thing coming out soon

This blog post is proof that I chose to do none of these things. Instead I’m thinking about:
•This stupid cold sore I’ve got
•Worrying about catching this flu that’s going around
•How much longer I’m going to procrastinate before I actually do any of my homework
•If I’ll find anything to do this weekend
•Why I have no money to do anything
•If this guy, Cam, likes me or if he’s just being nice
•If I’d give Cam a chance if he ever did ask me out
•If I like my new haircut or not (I really can’t decide)
•How unhealthy I’ve been eating
•That I haven’t been exercising at all
•That I haven’t been keeping up with everyone’s blogs (sorry!)
•That I still haven’t written that email to Emma yet (sorry Bet!)
•That I said I was going to be social, but even though I’ve had every night free I’ve been a lame-o sitting in my room by myself because I’m too chicken
•How happy I am that I think I can finally be just friends with Aaron ((aka that guy) I mean there’s no avoiding him. I see him all the time! Friendship is a lot less awkward and sad.)
•That I want to smash my laptop with a hammer because it is a POS

Yeah. I have a lot of stuff running through my mind. Not quite a million things, but a lot. Sometimes I wonder why I can’t just turn my brain off.

Update:

Here are the pictures of my new haircut! I don't think I like it down, but I definitely like it up. It came out shorter than I wanted. =/

Getting a Life

2010-01-18T19:52:00.005-05:00

Hello world! Are you still there? I'm so relieved, we just finished a major group project tonight, and it's getting passed in tomorrow morning. Then I am never thinking about it again. Ever.

I baked cupcakes this morning! I had a ton of fun decorating them. I think they came out pretty awesome. I'm going to bring some of them to class tomorrow to share with my blockmates in celebration of finishing the project.

My weekend was interesting... Saturday morning I drove home, and I am ashamed to say I got pulled over for speeding on the highway. From this I learned basically to do the opposite of whatever my cousin does. She is the one who taught me to drive on the highway and since she did 80 all the time I naturally assumed it was alright. Wrong! She has copdar, I do not. Luckily I got off with a written warning. It scared the crap out of me, and I learned my lesson. No more going fast.

Saturday night I was social! I went with my cousin to a party at her friend's house. I also hung out with Amy and we learned how to play Risk. Hooray! Risk is way more fun than Monopoly by the way. I also went out and got my hair cut. It's shorter than I wanted it to be, but it works. I also got some new clothes.

New haircut? New clothes? Being social? What is this? I like it. I am committing to this idea of me doing stuff. Like making friends. Why is this so much harder than it sounds?

Speaking of friends- I am working on not liking that guy anymore, because I really would still like to be friends with him. This is really hard, but I'm going to do it. It probably doesn't help that every other song I hear is a love song. That's what I get for liking country music. It really isn't the kind of music you listen to when you want to feel better!

Better Day

2010-01-13T16:41:00.006-05:00

Thanks everyone for all the supportive comments! They mean a lot to me.

Fifteen minutes until dinner (which will hopefully be edible since I am hungry), procrastinating on homework until after I eat... so here I am writing a blog post for all of you! Even though I really don't have much to talk about. My days are apparently fluctuating between good and bad. After my Sunday morning meltdown Sunday afternoon was good, Monday was good, Tuesday was just not a good day! It was stressful and emotional. I still haven't talked to him yet, and I know I need to. For me the worst thing I have realized is that even after all this, I still like him. Almost everything about him. And not just him, but who I was around him. He brought out the best in me. He made me confident and social. He made me want to excel in this industry and do better and learn more. My friends of course keep telling me that I need to learn how to bring these things out in myself. Which I know is true! It's just so hard, after not having any confidence in myself for 19 years. I have been telling myself "You suck, you can't do this, you can't do anything." For 19 years. It's like every time someone told me I could do something, or that I was good at something I seemed to shrug it off and forget that they can see what I can't in myself.

Today was a better day. I expressed the doubt I was feeling about myself being able to do well in this program to a teacher and he told me I was wrong. He told me that I could do not only this program, but that I could do the BA program as well. 'I know it,' he said. The difference this time was... I believed him. I am now considering the BA program. I need to look more into it, but I am definitely considering it! I'm finding my confidence. This has made my day. :)

Update: it's been a long time since I've participated in Wishcasting Wednesday! I found it again through a retweet. So I think I'm gonna wish. Jamie asks us How do you wish to shine?

I wish to shine with confidence all on my own. From the inside out.

New Attitude

2010-01-10T16:17:00.004-05:00

So this morning I was ready to publish a post titled 'FML!' I was extremely upset and confused. Why? That boy again. According to him, we weren't dating. I'm not willing to post the whole situation on my blog right now. I am considering writing it all down in story form, though. If I do, you'll all get to read it.

No, I am not upset and confused anymore. I don't exactly know how it happened, but I started looking at it from a different view. Forget the cause, focus on the effect. I made a list. A couple of lists, actually. The first one was what I learned from this whole mess. The knowledge gained from a month of complete confusion. It was written while I was still upset, so some of it may be a little off.

•I’m very submissive & timid
•I am willing to give up things I enjoy in order to be with someone I care about
•It pretty much kills me to hurt another person
•I’m easy to read
•I need friends to talk to about the emotional upsets in my life
•I don’t know myself very well at all
•I like being in a relationship
•I need to be surrounded by outgoing people in order to be outgoing
•I want to be outgoing
•I ~~want~~ need my future partner to be outgoing
•I have the ability to lose myself to another person, so I need to be careful
•I need to be my own person

When I realized that I had almost lost my own identity because I got so wrapped up in him, it scared me. I knew I needed to define myself. So I wrote this list.

•I’m a small town girl. Fuck cities. Fuck big.
•I’m Pagan. I’m spiritual. I need to hold this close to me in order to be ok.
•I don’t like getting angry. I talk to people when I have a problem with them. If you don’t talk to me when you have a problem with me I can’t trust you.
•I will not be physical without it being a real relationship. My heart can’t handle that.
•Give me nature or give me death.
•I couldn’t handle working in a big resort. I don’t want to work at a big restaurant. I don’t dig fancy.
•I’m willing to try new things. I want to learn. Teach me.
•My family and friends have been the most important things in my life for a long time. I don’t plan on being very far away from them. Home is extremely important to me.
•My happiest moments in life have been those of self-discovery and making others happy.
•I am on a path of constant self-discovery.

Truthfully, the last two are my favorites. <3

What The New Year Brings- 2010

2010-01-05T21:23:00.003-05:00

I finally have a little free time! So, like I did last year, I am going to tell what numerology has to say for the new year. Both in general and for me specifically.

2010 breaks down to the number 3. 2010 is a year for change. But while change usually brings chaos and fear, 2010 is a year of optimism. Everyone can see that after 2009 we could use some big changes!

My personal year for 2010 is 2. This means that it will be a year of patiently waiting to see my plans from 2009 develop. It is a year for cooperation and involving others in my plans. There is a focus on relationships in a 2 personal year.

I can already feel that this is going to be an interesting year! 2 just feels 'right'. Especially that last bit about relationships. That boy who was driving me nuts and confusing that crap out of me? We're finally dating. :)

Sorry this is so short. My mind can't focus on one thing for very long lately. Plus I'm tired. I hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve!

Show and Tell- With Updates

2009-12-30T20:14:00.005-05:00

Early Happy New Year to everyone! Tomorrow I'll be heading back home to celebrate. I didn't plan to go back home this weekend, but my cousin needs help moving. Besides, I still have no real friends up here.

Today my cousin and I were downtown getting lunch and we stopped into this cool little store. The have a lot of interesting things there, most of them made of different types of stone. As a gift, my cousin told me to pick out one of the pendulums I have been eying for months but never bought. I picked out this beauty.

I love it! I have been playing around with it since I got it. I think I have finally found my favorite divination tool. As much as I like that tarot deck I got, tarot is a bit difficult for me.

I wish I could say that things have been going well, but they haven't. One of my classes completely depresses me every time I have it. Everything this teacher tells us is telling me I don't have what it takes to make it in this field. That I just shouldn't be here. It feeds my doubts and fears. It's all I can do to not cry in the middle of class. I don't know what to do about it.

I have also just been down in general. As much as I really hate saying it, it was because of that boy I like. It makes me angry that I let something so stupid hurt me so much. It was definitely not a good experience for me. I opened up to someone and ended up hurt. Hopefully I can just learn something from it and move on.

The cherry on top is this stubborn cold I have. I'd really just like it to go away so I can try to have some fun this weekend. Or not, you know, whatever works for the rest of the universe.

Wow! Sorry to be such a downer. I'm going to shower and take some NyQuil.

Back To School

2009-12-27T16:28:00.002-05:00

I'll be heading back to Montpelier in a few hours. I am riding up with my cousin because my car is in the shop. Something is wrong with the windshield wiper gears. It's a part that is going to cost over $100. That, plus the oil change and the inspection is going to cost me about $250! I am just lucky my cousin can bring me back up to school, no way I can drive around in the middle of winter without windshield wipers.

I am really glad to be going back to school. I love my family, but they drive me insane. A week home is more than enough. Especially with all this stress from moving into a new house and the holidays. I think I am going to come home less often. I feel as if I am missing out on something by not being on campus during the weekends. Plus it will give me a chance to be a bit more focused. When I'm home I don't have the chance to do homework if I have any.

I hope everyone had a happy holiday! We had a great time both Christmas Day and Christmas Eve. Lots of food, family, and laughs. My two big gifts were a GPS and an iPod adaptor for my car. Both of which I can't use until I get my car back! xD

Here's to hoping that things are a lot less complicated when I get back to school. It's unlikely, but I can hope. I'm sorry I have been posting so rarely!

Happy Yule!

2009-12-21T18:26:00.005-05:00

Happy Yule everyone! I am wicked busy here at home with all the unpacking. I've been procrastinating on it a lot because I'd rather hang out with my friend for a few days before things get even crazier. They also stuck me with a bunch of homework that I need to work on at some point. I promised holiday cheer, though! And finally I have a picture of my new room. It is so unorganized right now.

Some of my personal decorations I managed to get up today.

My room- wicked messy! I've still got lots of unpacking and organizing to do.

LEON makes a return.

My mom even has her Mickey Mouse X-mas town out.

Tree! Fake, but decorated.

Lights!

Okay- no joke we would sing this song every year in my music class in elementary school. It doesn't feel like Christmas time if I don't hear it.

Tia and I are watching Santa Baby 1 and 2 on TV right now. I'm glad I finally get to watch my Christmas movies! I'm going to watch at least one a day all week.

Dun, Dun, Duuuuun.

2009-12-18T08:50:00.005-05:00

I am alive! Just thought I'd post to let you all know that. I ended up going home last weekend, the roads were fine on my drive down. Unfortunately it started snowing like mad on my way back up. Just my luck, right? I am going home tonight after classes. We haven't had snow in a couple days so the roads are okay to drive on. My Christmas break is all next week!

My birthday was great! The best day I had all week in fact.

The reason I haven't been on is due to more confusing boy problems. They should be over soon. I'll just say that I let myself like a guy when I knew he didn't feel the same way. Stupid me.

Things will probably be close to back to normal when I get back to school. I don't want to be as shy as I was before all the boy issues, because that certainly wasn't helping me at all. I am trying to be more outgoing. The problem is I'm no good at it. And I'm scared of opening up to people and getting hurt.

I'll be sure to post some cheery holiday things when I'm home! Along with pictures of the house! A week away from classes is just what I need right now.

Edit from home: no cheery holiday stuff yet! Just this- that crazy boy drama may not go away after all. He says it isn't that he doesn't like me, it's that his plans for the future and my plans for the future are so different. He says it wouldn't be fair. I need to figure some stuff out.

Oh, and we're still not done moving stuff from the old house to the new house. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day with lots of cleaning and rearranging.

End of Week Update

2009-12-11T11:06:00.003-05:00

I am still loving my classes! Most of them are a ton of fun. I'm still working on trying to figure out a method for all the homework, especially the readings I have to do. I can't read the chapters two days before class and still remember them, but I hate procrastinating.

I am planning on celebrating my birthday this weekend! Technically it isn't until Monday, but I have plans for pizza and a movie to celebrate. That's if I ever get home! We got hit with at least a foot of snow in the past 3 days, and it's still coming. The road conditions are terrible and because I am such an inexperienced driver I do not plan to put myself in a situation where I could get into an accident. I am hearing stories from classmates about accidents on the highways, being pushed into a guardrail from the strong winds, and a half hour drive taking 1 1/2 hours. No thanks!!

My parents are moving into the new house this weekend. I'd like to be there to help them with it all. Although I really hate packing and moving and it can only be worse in the snow. So if the weather didn't clear up and I couldn't get home this weekend I probably wouldn't cry about it. I've heard the weather is supposed to clear up tomorrow morning, so if it does I can head out then.

If you've been following me on Twitter you can see that I have been confused and nervous and you may have even induced that it is due to some boy issues. I'm not going to talk about it, but I'll just say that I'm taking things as they come right now.

My stomach is growling so I am going to go and hope that the cafeteria has something edible for lunch. I went out to eat at The Grill and had a kick-ass burger and fries yesterday!

Lots of Updating!

2009-12-07T19:04:00.004-05:00

Confident. Happy. Inspired. These are three words that can explain how I'm feeling right now! My new classes are amazing. There are some boring points, but overall they are very upbeat and fun. Many of my teachers have lot of passion for the subjects they're teaching. I swear it makes all the difference in the world. When my teacher is passionate it inspires me and makes me want to be passionate. It makes me want to try harder and learn more. I've been to almost every single one of my classes at least once. There is only one class I have not had yet, and I have it tomorrow afternoon. I am really enjoying them all, though. It's very surprising. I feel foolish for being so nervous, but at the same time I know that being nervous is just a part of how I deal with change. I am not sure which class is my favorite so far. Maybe Spanish. The teacher is from Costa Rica (I think) and he's a lot of fun to learn from. He talks with his hands a lot and he encourages us all to do our best by giving us positive feedback and working personally on our weak points. I think it is easier for me than expected because I took 4 years of French, and the languages are very similar.

I have to say I never thought I would love being in class so much. My only concern is that I still feel knots in my stomach whenever I think about being in my lab class where I actually need to interact with customers. The knots dissolve as soon as I'm in class, but beforehand I work myself up thinking of all the possible things that I can do wrong. It's just frustrating, and something I need to work through.

I love how small my class is. There are only 6 of us! We are all going to know each other really well by the end of these 6 months. We're doing a lot of team building type activities, and it's wonderful. I feel so accepted. It's so different from high school where we all grew up together so they saw that stupid little kid I used to be. These people don't see that kid. Maybe that's why guys are actually starting to be interested in me? It's a strange feeling. Of course, not knowing much about the people I go to school with has got its drawbacks. I was eating dinner in the cafeteria talking with this guy and somehow we got on the topic of tattoos. I show him mine, and he starts in on the stereotypical crap. "Oh, it's evil. Do you cast spells? Blah, blah, blah." Not really in a mean way. But, still, I took it negatively. I should have expected it and dealt with it in a better way, but it still takes my by surprise when someone says something like that. I'm glad I don't have classes with this person, because I don't like him very much.

It's snowing here! Second real snowfall of the year. While I was walking to dinner I couldn't help but stare up at the sky. Falling snow is so beautiful. I just wish it wouldn't fall on my car...

I'll try to read blogs soon! I think Thursday and Friday will have to be my catchup days.

Why I Love December

2009-12-02T16:46:00.003-05:00

So, now that I know what my real class schedule for December is, I have to say that I am excited about this month. I say October is my favorite month because of the weather, the colors, the food, and Halloween. But December just makes me happy. I'm not a big fan of the cold, but snow is very pretty when it first falls. And I'll never be able to forget how beautiful ice can be after last year. I haven't driven in ice or snow yet, so that may change my tune. xD I have a lot of reasons to love December, though. My birthday. My sister's birthday. (Which is Tomorrow! I can't believe she'll be 14.) Christmas music, movies, decorations and lights. Not to mention the fact that it is the one month of the year everybody is focused on giving. This message is spread everywhere and every way all month long. It's fantastic!

You know that feeling the day after a big holiday, like Thanksgiving? It's like a balloon deflating. There is such a build up, just waiting for the big day. The day after is such a disappointment, so you start looking forward to the next time you can feel that euphoria again. After Thanksgiving that time is Christmas. It's a few days of pure happiness, focused around family. And this year for school we have the whole week (from the 21st to the 25th) off! My parents are planning on moving into our new house before Christmas, so I know it's going to be a busy month. I can't wait to be in our new home, though. Christmas cheer should help get rid of that off feeling the house has.

December Schedule

2009-12-02T16:36:00.004-05:00

I swear, only at NECI do they screw with schedules this much. Apparently they have us on a different schedule for December than for the rest of Mod 2. So for just this month (the whole 3 weeks we actully have classes!) this is my schedule.

Monday:
Spanish 8-9:30
Written Expressions 9:45-11:45
Taste & Flavor Beverages 12:30-3:00
Interpersonal Communciations 3:15 - 5:15

Tuesday:
Introduction to Human Resource Management 8:30-10:15
Restaurant & Guest Management Practicum 10:30-3:00
Fundamentals of Marketing 3:15-4:45

Wednesday:
Spanish 8-9:30
Restaurant & Guest Management Practicum 10:30-3:00
Service Operations Management 3:15-5:45

Thursday:
Introduction to Human Resource Management 8:30-10:15
Restaurant & Guest Management Practicum 10:30-3:00
Interpersonal Communciations 3:15 - 5:15

Friday:
Restaurant & Guest Management Class 8:30-10:15
Restaurant & Guest Management Practicum 10:30-3:00
Written Expressions 3:15 - 5:15

Of course I didn't find this out until after I got to class this morning. Good thing I have Spanish at the same time and in the same place.

I am feeling a mixture of excitement, fear, exhaustion and hunger. Excitement and fear over my new classes, exhaustion and hunger because it's been a long day! Denis let us out of class early today, though, so luckily I get to go brave dinner at the cafeteria.

I have another post being planned in my head right now, I'll write it after dinner.

Free Day!

2009-11-30T08:09:00.004-05:00

After being at our soon to be new home for 5 days straight it is finally Monday! Monday means Mom and Dad have work, Tia has school, but Tori still has two days free. Hooray! My plans for today are as follows:

1. Blogging
2. Finish making X-Mas cards
3. Sew pillow cases for myself and Tia
4. Clean the house up
5. Prep for dinner
6. Go to Walmart for the millionth time this week because my dad needs cough syrup
7. Finish re-reading Twilight
*8. Watch Phantom of the Opera and Aladdin with Tia

Is it sad that this is a fun day for me? That this is how I am choosing to spend my day? I don't care. I take joy in the small things in life. Like last night; watching cartoons with Tia until we were both tired and then still sitting up together laughing and ogling Johnny Depp in the new People. Yes, I bought it just for the pictures of Johnny Depp. It is well worth the five bucks I spent on it. But, anyway, that was a good night. It is what I miss most while I'm at school.

One thing I will not miss while at school is working on the new house. I'm sick of painting walls. I'm sick of cleaning up after the gross people who lived there before. I'm so glad this is the last time we're moving! My parents have always rented, and we've moved around town a lot. Like every 2-3 years. Now that they're buying a house it's the end of it. My room is still not completely painted, so you'll have to wait a while longer for pictures. I picked bright colors! My room is orange and blue. I needed to contrast the dull boring colors my parents picked for the rest of the house. Tia's room is my favorite, though. We splatter painted her room! It looks awesome.

I am going to turn on CMT and work on the Christmas cards. Oh, they've been playing Christmas music on my favorite radio station all weekend, and now it's on CMT too! That actually makes me happy. I love X-Mas music. One of my favorites that they played on the radio this weekend was 'Leroy the Redneck Reindeer'. It just makes me laugh every time I hear it!

* Number 8 is my favorite and what I'm looking forward to the most. I've been wanting to watch POTO for a while now. And watching it with Tia is even better. It took me more than a year to get her to watch it for the first time! And we have both had the Arabian Nights song stuck in our heads since last night so we want to watch Aladdin. I love watching movies with Tia. <3

Yum

2009-11-27T12:50:00.006-05:00

Wow I've been busy! Shopping, cooking, crying because I messed up while cooking, crying because I accidentally turned my white clothes pink (Anyone know how to fix that?!), being angry at my parents because they cleaned and painted over at the new house on Thanksgiving. I went to Walmart with my mom and aunt at 5 this morning. CRAZY! Then we went back again later to buy paint for the house, not so crazy. It's like after 8AM it turned into a regular shopping day there. I need to go back to Walmart for a 3rd time in a little while so I can buy even more paint for my room. I can't wait until it's all painted so I can show you the pictures! Speaking of the house, when I was there last night I noticed that it has got this really weird vibe to it. It definitely needs a cleansing to get rid of the energy from the previous tenants. I know there are a lot of different ways to do that, so I am looking for suggestions on what your favorite method is.

As promised, I have pictures. This is just the desserts. We had the same old dinner that most people have. Turkey, stuffing, etc.

Chocolate Pecan Pie. YUM! I took this pic before I cut into it. It tastes like a fudgy brownie filled with pecans. I made the crust myself, and it looked nice, but it got destoryed during transport from my house to my grandparent's house.

Homemade whipped cream. :)

Some of my cousin's carrot cake that I took home.

This is the cheesecake I messed up on. It still tastes delicious.

Oreo Torte. Probably the most delicious thing I've ever eaten. This is the one I left at home for us.

This is the one I brought for my family to eat.

The cats just got to lay around all day. They looked so cute I just had to get some pictures.

Thanksgiving Week Schedule

2009-11-24T06:42:00.003-05:00

Hello from New Hampshire! I skipped out on the knowledge bowl, awards ceremony and whatever other fun stuff they had planned for us today up at NECI. I'm home now and I have a busy schedule. My parents gave me money and I need to go grocery shopping today to get food for Thanksgiving. Tomorrow I am going to be doing some pre-Thanksgiving cooking. (The rolls and desserts.) Then Thursday is actually Thanksgiving and I'll be helping my mom cook while watching movies and playing games with my sister and my friend who's coming over. I like the running around. I love the fact that I'm going to be with the people I care about. There's just something about this time of the year that makes me want to be home, cooking, eating, and hanging out.

My computer does not connect to the internet when I'm at home. My only comment about that is "WTH?!" I don't get it... Whatever, I am using my mom's laptop. I don't think I'll be on much at all with everything I'm going to be doing anyway. So I'm just going to say early Happy Thanksgiving! Plan on my next post being the day after Thanksgiving with pictures of what we end up eating. Plan on that being later in the day because I finally get to go shopping with my mom on Black Friday! I've been begging her to let me go with her for years.

Randomness

2009-11-22T18:54:00.004-05:00

I'm in a random mood. I've been suck in Montpelier all weekend and I've watched every good movie and TV show Hulu has to offer. I ironed my brigade for that Assessment Week thing tomorrow. (Which I still don't see the point behind.) My room is as clean as I feel like making it. I'm not in the mood to read. So I'm sitting here listening to music and stumbling. Don't know what stumbling is? It's the most addicting thing I think I have ever started doing. Go here and click on the subjects you're interested in. Click the stumble button and it will bring you to a website related to one of the interests you clicked on. You'll go to a different website every time you click on the stumble button. Try it out. You'll be addicted soon. If you follow me on Twitter you can see some of my favorite finds while stumbling.

Another awesome thing I've heard about recently is failblog. Absolutely hilarious! If you want a laugh, go there.

Last random thing I want to share with you is this song. 3 Wooden Crosses has been a favorite song of mine for a while. It never fails to make me think and feel that there is a higher purpose for why things happen. Have you ever gotten that tingly feeling when you hear something (anything, not just songs) and you know it's teaching you something and helping you grow as a person? This song gives me that feeling.

My New Class Schedule

2009-11-21T13:51:00.002-05:00

I figured I'd share my schedule with you all! This is what it will be like until February 28th.

Monday
Spanish 8-9:30
Taste & Flavor: Beverages 12:30-3

Tuesday
Introduction to Human Resource Management 8:30-10:15
Written Expressions 10:30 - 12:30
Fundamentals of Marketing 1:30-3

Wednesday
Spanish 8-9:30
Interpersonal Communciations 9:45 - 11:45
Service Operations Management 12:45-3:15

Thursday
Introduction to Human Resource Management 8:30-10:15
Written Expressions 10:30 - 12:30
Restaurant & Guest Mangement (Practicum - Group A) 4:00-10:00

Friday
Restaurant & Guest Management Class 10:00-12:00
Restaurant & Guest Mangement (Practicum - Group B) 4:00-10:00

I don't know if I am in group A or B for the Restaurant and Guest Management class, but I've emailed the teacher requesting the Thursday group so I can drive home on Fridays. I had Denis as a teacher in my first mod, and he's pretty cool, so I think he'll let me be in that group.

Last night I was feeling really scared and worried. My excitement is slowly coming back. I guess I'll see how I feel once these new classes start! I am really looking forward to my Thanksgiving break. It will be so healing to just be cooking for my friends and family again.

Sorry For The Mess, My Brain Exploded

2009-11-20T19:06:00.004-05:00

So here's how it went! I think I rocked the ServSafe Exam. It was waaay easier than I expected. What scared me the most was what pathogens caused which diseases and there weren't many questions about that. My math exam was also easy. The movie for my computer class came out... okay. It's really not that great, but whatever. The interview? No, just no. It's not that it went badly. I passed. I was nervous, but that wasn't the issue either. You know how you're scared for something so you prep like mad? I did that. Have you ever forgotten everything you wanted to say as soon as you were asked even after all that prepping? I did that too. I answered the questions directly, but didn't elaborate or say anything I had planned to say. And he threw me some curve balls that I hadn't planned for or ever even thought about. Don't ask me what they were because I can't remember. All I know is that after the interview I felt completely crushed. Like every professional choice I've made up to this point has been wrong. I don't really get why. I'm just so scared. What if I did choose wrong? What if I'm not cut out to be a manager? I want to be back in high school where things were easy and a lot less scary. I just went to class because I had to. But I liked it. I've always been so good in a classroom setting. Hands-on has never been my thing. What a stupid choice for me to make, going to a hands-on school. I'm not cut out to live in the real world and do real things. I wish there were someone here to talk to about it. Ranting like this helps but it doesn't make me feel better. I want someone who knows me to look at me and tell me how stupid I'm being, how can I think that. And I want to believe them. Even if my cousin were here to tell me that I wouldn't believe her. I'm not a leader. Why am I trying to be one? I'm too sensitive. Too insecure. Too shy. My brain doesn't work that way. Even my teachers knew it. I remember when my English teacher told me how surprised he was when I chose to go to NECI. He said I'd be a good scholar. I know I would be, I told him, but this is stable. I could study for the rest of my life and be the happiest person in the world, but you just can't live that way. Yes, I love food. I love feeding people. The interviewer said he saw passion when I mentioned my plans for a restaurant that feeds families. Yes, I want to do that. At least I think I do. I'm questioning everything now, and it's scaring the crap out of me. I don't like it.

Why couldn't I be normal? Why couldn't I go to a regular university, party, go to class, and not care what my plans were for the rest of my life? Or why couldn't I have been blessed with some amazing talent that's wicked profitable? Why can't this be easy?

I'll look at this later and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. These are my emotions at their rawest. The totally uncensored, insecure, Me. I don't think I like me. I'm kind of pathetic. Does everyone feel this way? Do they all hide it? HOW?

I wasn't sure if I wanted to publish this post. Debating back and forth. It makes me look stupid. I shouldn't care, it's my blog. You like having readers, though, don't you? Yes. And you had 8 comments on that last post. Oh well. They don't have to read and comment on this if they don't want to.

So, fuck it. It's published. Hello, cyber world! This is me! I'm really sorry if you actually read all this. I am in a weird mood. And I ate a lot of melted Ben & Jerry's Cheesecake Brownie Ice Cream. Hi new people who commented on my last post! Sorry for the mess. My brain likes to explode sometimes.

Updates!

2009-11-18T13:21:00.002-05:00

I figured I'd keep you all in the loop about what's going on with me at school! Today was my last day of my baking class. We had a written exam at 6:30 this morning. Fun, right?! No, not really. I may be a morning person, but I'm still human. No one wants to take a test that soon after they wake up. I'm sure I did fine on it, though.

Tomorrow I have to take my ServSafe Exam. Now there is a test I'm scared of failing! Mostly because if you fail you have to pay the $36 again so you can retake it. When I pass it I will be ServSafe Certified, though! So I won't have any excuse for why I can't remember what bacteria causes which disease, damn. I am worried about failing it, but I'm sure I'll do fine since it's multiple choice. I have a 25% chance of guessing the correct answer if I have to guess.

On Friday I have a mock job interview for my Professional Development class which is scaring the crap out of me. I can BS my way through written exams if need be, but when it comes to talking and doing I am not so great... And there really isn't a way to 'study' for it. I've never had a job interview, but I know the unprepared feeling is the worst part about it. I'm just sitting here wondering and worrying "Which questions will they ask me? What if I get tongue tied and forget everything?" AHH!

I guess technically this is like my finals week. I also have a final project for my computer class and an exam in my math class on Friday. Then on Monday we have an 'Assessment Day'. I really don't understand it. From what I hear two people from each block go to each class for three hours and there is some kind of competition between the teams. It sounds like a waste of time to me, because I hear we aren't actually getting graded on it! I'd like to just start my Thanksgiving Vacation early, why can't they make it optional? This school is so horrible at telling us what it going on!

Enough ranting, I am going to study and (most likely) unnecessarily stress myself out. Some good news, though: I think my cough is gone.

"Don't Let The Bedbugs Bite!"

2009-11-16T14:37:00.003-05:00

I am going to be cleaning my dorm room up this afternoon. Mostly because it's horribly dirty and needs to be cleaned, but also sort of in preparation for the Night of Hecate which I am deciding to participate in last minute. Using a flashlight. Yeah, we aren't allowed candles in dorms. We have uber-sensitive smoke detectors and I can guarantee that if I set it off they would fine me.

Part of my cleaning this afternoon will be looking for bedbugs. The dorm building next door had them, now someone on the floor above me has them. I'm really creeped out and if I find them in my room I am probably going to scream. I can tell you I won't be sleeping in my bed, either! Someone I know back home is an exterminator and he lent me a 16X magnifying glass to look for them, and even gave me a picture of the little nasty things. Which grossed me out even more. When "Don't let the bedbugs bite!" becomes a real warning I start to worry. I didn't think bedbugs were real when I was a kid. I thought they were something my grandma made up to joke with us. Like her pink skippawampus that lived in the woods behind the house.

Oh, and did I ever mention how much I absolutely LOVE lists? To-do lists save my butt. I would forget so many things lately if I didn't write them down on my brightly colored sticky notes.

SO, today I am thankful for to-do lists.

Happy Surprises

2009-11-14T08:48:00.010-05:00

When I cam home last night I had two awesome surprises waiting for me! The first was a box of goodies from Jaz at Octoberfarm!

It came all wrapped up! It made me feel like I was opening a birthday or Christmas present.

There was even a card and chocolates!

Ta-da!

She even included an extra jar of her homemade pepper jelly- which I can't wait to try! I'm going to have it out for Thanksgiving.

A honey bear. :)

The jar of preserves.

More candy! Which was tempted to eat for breakfast...

Instead I had some of the yummy jam on an english muffin.

After a few bites I decided to try it with peanut butter... it made the best PB&J I've ever had!

The ingredient list for the jam.

I ate my breakfast while reading my new book that I won from Mrs. B's 31 Days of Halloween! Once I get good at crocheting (I'm seriously stuck right now! I need to see if my aunt Taunya can help me...) I am going to start making some of these wicked cute things. My goal: to be able to make these by this time next year. Then I can make a bunch and have a giveaway with them!

I have won so many great things this year. I want to have a giveaway of my own! I am brainstorming now to try and come up with something I can giveaway. Hmm, I wonder how well fudge would travel? I don't really know what else I'd be able to make and mail to someone. I can't really make anything cool that isn't food. xD

I am so thankful for my amazing blog buddies. Thank you Joyce! Thank you Mrs. B! And thank you to everyone who reads my blog!

Send Noah a Christmas Card!!

2009-11-12T18:36:00.002-05:00

Christmas will come early for a five year old Michigan boy this year. Noah Biorkman is battling cancer and is not expected to live much longer. Noah's family is celebrating Christmas now and Noah loves Christmas cards. Noah's mom is asking for Christmas cards for her son.

Please take the time to send a card or letter to:

Noah Biorkman
1141 Fountain View Circle
South Lyon, MI 48178

OR

you can make Noah a Christmas card online at Studio Day Spring and that they'll cover shipping costs and send all the cards to him if you use the code: NOAH

The link is http://www.studiodayspring.com

Note: There are two addresses floating around on the internet. The other one is:

Noah Biorkman
c/o Scott Biorkman
3480 Petoskey Way
Milford, MI 48380

I think the card would get to Noah either way, one of them is just newer than the other.

When You Talk

2009-11-11T12:37:00.005-05:00

Apparently, when you talk the Universe listens. I felt like a zombie for a couple days. The hours passed slowly in class and I felt overwhelmed by homework. As usual, though, as soon as it gets to the point where I want to complain about it everything gets better. Today we got out of class an hour early. Yay! And because I got so much of my homework out of the way on Monday and Tuesday I only have two things to do tonight. Only lecture classes tomorrow and Friday, so I don't need to get up for class at 6:30 AM, which means I can go to bed later than 8PM. I guess you only need to put up with the bad stuff for so long before things get better.

I have been forgetting to say what I am thankful for! I have a lot of days to make up for, so how about I make a list?

Home
Family
Nice classmates
People who care
The good days

I've had this song stuck in my head for the past few days.

Toes by The Zac Brown Band

Oh and for those who want to know about my Baking class, it is probably the best class I've taken so far. We're in a kitchen getting a lot done, but it is not nearly as stressful as cooking theory was. I definitely prefer baking to regular cooking! If I had to choose between the two baking would win hands down. The homework for class is boring. We have to read certain chapters out of our text book and do a few math problems. The math is similar to what we need to do in class to change recipes, so it's actually useful. It's kind of cool to be putting math to good use.

So far I have been on 3 stations: quick breads, baker, and mixing. On the quick bread station we made coffee cake and scones, when I was baker I baked trays and trays of cookies, and today on mixing station we made 4 different kinds of bread dough. Did I forget to mention that we got a book when we came to NECI full of these amazing recipes? I have the recipes for everything they serve in the bakery and more. YUM!

Unfortunately I have the world's worst partner for this class. I do not like this guy. He is a jerk who thinks he knows everything about everything. He treats me like I'm stupid. He brown noses the teachers. Gah! I'm sorry, I just really don't like him. No one in our block does. I can't wait for this class to be over simply because I can't stand working with him.

I don't want to end this post on a bad note, so I am going to find something happy to write about! How about the fact that Thanksgiving is only a week away? Yeah! I am looking forward to Stuff Yourself With Turkey Day. I even have most of that week off from school.

I'm Alive! Sort Of...

2009-11-10T13:51:00.003-05:00

I am alive, just busy. Busy, busy, busy. When I went home on Friday I was told about what a horrible week it had been there. My Aunt Jen and Uncle Jay are getting a divorce, which I found out about 4 weeks ago. But about a week ago my uncle started getting a little nuts about everything. Accusing my aunt of stuff, blowing up and throwing things, and refusing to go to mediation, opting to get a lawyer instead. He's making it a nasty divorce, which my cousins definitely DO NOT need. They stayed at our grandparent's home all weekend because of it. In times like this my family really pulls together. I was with them all weekend, doing what I could to help.

Then yesterday (ugh this week is going by slowly!) my new class started. I'm in baking now! This is a fun class, but it has homework unlike the class I just finished. Plus I have all the homework for my other classes that I need to do. I have to write a resume/ cover letter, make an e-portfolio, and read my entire ServSafe coursebook. I've got it all down to a schedule, but it's still time consuming (I did homework for 3 hours straight last night, no break) and mentally exhausting. SO, by the end of the day I'm ready to just fall asleep. Which is good because I have class at 6:30 AM.

I just wanted to post to let you all know why I haven't been around, and why I may not be around much for the next 2 weeks. I have a lot to do both here at school and at home. My parents are buying a house. Finally! It needs a lot of work done to it, though, so I'll be doing painting, cleaning, etc. I hope everything is going well with everyone else. I'll try to read and comment on your blogs a bit.

5 Thing I Love Right Now

2009-11-05T12:10:00.004-05:00

I am borrowing this idea from Domestic Witch becuase I feel like ~~procrastinating~~ blogging and didn't have an idea.

So, 5 things I love right now are:

1- CRUNCH bars
2- Cough drops
3- The radio
4- Yarn
5- The ring I'm wearing

Do I even need a reason to love Crunch bars? They're delicious. I've got a cough now, so I'm carrying my big bag of cough drops with me. The radio because I was getting bored of the songs on my iPod. Yarn, well I can't crochet without it! I am kind of stuck on that now, too. I can make a chain, but I'm still trying to figure out how to make rows. xD I don't know why, but I really like this ring I'm wearing. My grandma gave it to me shortly before I left for college because it didn't fit her anymore. She got it from Sea World years ago.

On another note: Check out Suzie's Etsy Shop! She's created some beautiful pendants and necklaces and has added them there to keep her tarot card reading company.

Edit: I forgot to write what I was thankful for! I am definitely thankful for the internet. <3

Back at School- With Internet!

2009-11-03T12:29:00.005-05:00

So this post is going to be a bunch of random babbling- just figured I'd warn you now.

I am back at school now and, yes, I have internet again! It never really went away, my laptop just didn't want to connect to the wireless at home the last two days for some reason. Everyone else's computer was connecting just fine, but mind wouldn't. I was concerned, so I took it to my grandpa the computer genius. Of course there's nothing wrong with it and it connects just fine to the wireless there. My computer hates me.

I have decided to participate in the 27 Days of Thankful that Amanda at Serenity Now is putting on. Each day you say something you're thankful for. Since I don't post on my blog every single day I am planning on tweeting what I'm thankful for. Keep an eye out! Today I am thankful for medicine. My Dad and Tia have both caught a flu/cold of some sort. I have a slight cough on top of monthly crampy, achy, issues and a cold sore. I must say, having the ability to just buy something that makes me feel better is wicked awesome.

I won Creepy Cute Crochet from Irreference on the last day of Mrs. B's 31 Days of Halloween. Yay! I haven't crocheted since I was 12 so I am re-teaching myself. Once I get good at it I'm going to have a ton of fun with the book. Thank you Irreference! Thank you Mrs. B! I'll be sharing my crochet adventures here on my blog.

Suzie has decided to sell a tarot reading in her Etsy shop (which will be posted to my list of wicked awesome things you should check out ASAP). If you're brave enough to face what the cards truthfully have to tell you then go there!

I'm pretty sure there was more I wanted to say. Oh, right! I went to Borders over the weekend and bought myself a book to kick start my resolution of learning about herbs. I now own Herbal Remedies by Andrew Chevallier. It has a lot of good info and some amazing pictures! I'm only part way into it and I've already learned some cool things.

I have class soon. But it's just a lecture for me today, I've got lab tomorrow. I'm not sure if this is good or bad only because I don't know if I'll be feeling better or worse tomorrow. Fingers crossed that it's better!

So Much Sugar...

2009-11-01T08:22:00.005-05:00

I've awoken from my sugar coma to share some pictures with you!

My little ghost meringues- thanks for the idea Suzie!

Sweet & Sour meatballs- our only non junk food all night!

Cupcakes! Store bought mix, but a homemade frosting. We added a raspberry extract to it, a lot of red food coloring, and mini chocolate chips. Yum!

Dirt Dessert, with worms! It's just oreos and coolwhip with gummy worms, but it everyone's favorite in my family.

Well, the dirt might just be second to chocolate covered pretzels! It wouldn't feel like Halloween in my family without them. I covered them in sprinkles and coconut. It was my first time covering them in coconut, and I definitely like it!

Some red ice cubes for our drinks. ;)

While I was making these, with help from my cousin of course, I sent the younger (okay 13 & 14 year old) kids to decorate. They did a great job!

And Tia carved our last pumpkin. I love it!

We had a fun night of sitting around eating junk food and watching movies. I hope everyone else had a fun night, too!

Happy Halloween! Blessed Samhain!

2009-10-31T12:41:00.002-04:00

I am about to start cooking for my Halloween party soon. I'll be taking lots of pictures to share with you all tomorrow! Hope everyone has a good and spooky night.

Quoth the Raven

2009-10-28T08:36:00.002-04:00

The Raven
by Edgar Allan Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" -
Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered- not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never - nevermore'."

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore:
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting -
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

I figured I would share some more spooky poetry. Poe is perfect for the season, isn't he? Speaking of sharing- Mrs. B. is still sharing a lot of wonderful goodies with us! Her 31 Days of Halloween ends, well, on Halloween! Go check it out if you haven't yet. I've got my eye on the subscription to Witches & Pagans magazine! I always need something else to read. xD

Real Quick

2009-10-26T15:04:00.008-04:00

This is how I celebrated October this weekend:

Baking Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

The cookies came out amazing!! They are wicked good- try making them!

and

Carving Pumpkins

Mine is the first one, it's supposed to be Jack Skellington. My sister did the second one, it's just supposed to be a dead pumpkin. We had fun!

Edit: I'm gonna make a pumpkin pie now too! Yum.

Samhain Resolutions

2009-10-25T09:06:00.003-04:00

Samhain is the Pagan New Year, so I figured why not make some resolutions? There are some things I want to work on in the coming year:

Learn as much as possible about herbalism
Use my tarot deck
Connect with my spirit guide
Start writing things down- possibly in a BOS
Look more into my ancestry

I think learning about herbs is going to be my #1 thing for the coming year. It is something that seems interesting to me, and I figure if I dedicate myself to it for a year it will motivate me to actively learn. Everything else on the list is important, but not my main focus.

What do you want to work on in the coming year?

My Restaurant Plans/ Ideas/ Dreams

2009-10-22T08:18:00.003-04:00

I told you I'd share my ideas with all of you!

So my whole restaurant idea began about 2 1/2 -3 years ago (about 10th grade). We watch a lot of Food Network in my house, and my favorite show on it is Guy Fieri’s ‘Diners Drive-ins and Dives’. After watching this show often enough I obviously started to form my own ideas of what a perfect restaurant would be like. These plans floated through my brain for weeks before I finally decided that it was my goal to open up a great little restaurant. This changed a lot for me. Before this I was planning on becoming a journalist, since that seemed to be the only reliable career I could have where I would be able to write. I will never regret this decision; I don’t think I would have been happy as a journalist.

I began taking more of the business and cooking classes in high school. In my tiny little school there wasn’t much, but it was better than if I hadn’t taken them at all. I made a really great connection with both my business and my home-ec teacher. I told them about my plans and they were both wicked supportive. I may not have been lucky enough to go to a tech school like some of my classmates here at NECI, but I don’t care. Growing up in a small town has helped shape who I am and what my plans for my restaurant are.

I know that I want a small restaurant. Bigger than a diner, though. I know that I want it to be family-friendly. I have a lot of cousins and growing up the whole family could rarely eat out together simply because the restaurants could not accommodate so many people. The food needs to have that home-cooked meal feeling to it. Just because you eat out doesn’t mean you don’t deserve comfort food!

Right now the plan is that my cousin will be the cook, since she is also attending NECI. That may change, though, since she is a baking and pastry student. I can always have some awesome baked goods at least! I have this little part of me that is just dying to have a Bed & Breakfast. So if that is in any way possible I definitely plan to have it as well. With or without the B&B, though, my restaurant will serve breakfast. All three meals are important and I just don’t understand why more restaurants don’t serve it.

Then my cousin’s boyfriend, who is so loved by everyone he is practically a part of the family, is like this alcohol EXPERT. He also wants to start a micro-brewery. Hello bartender! It just makes sense, right?

So, if you can’t tell, it’s all pretty much going to be family run. Family is important to me, always has been, always will be. The only problem I can think of is the location. Location is the most difficult part of any restaurant plan. I want it as close to home as possible. That is going to take a lot of research, hopefully I learn more about finding a good location in one of my classes.

So, those are my big plans. I also want it to be a farm-to-table restaurant. Support your local farmers! Oh, and raw milk. I can't stand store bought milk, so I definitely need to offer raw milk. Haha, I love afterthoughts.

2009-10-20T07:53:00.002-04:00

I figured I would share a few things about myself for anyone who hasn’t been here before and may have decided to stop by after reading my guest post at Mrs. B’s.

When I first started this blog it was meant to be a way for me to meet and talk to other Pagans. If you read my posts you can tell that it has transformed from that to me talking about my whole life. So, about me- I am 18, I’m Pagan, I love literature, and I’m currently a freshman at the New England Culinary Institute where I am majoring in Hospitality and Restaurant Management. While here I am developing a plan for the restaurant I want to own and manage. I just realized that I haven’t actually clued any of my blog buddies in on what my restaurant plans are, so that’s a post you can all look forward to at some point soon!

My blog is really just a place for me to record where my path is taking me. I talk about what I’m learning in life, what I do (not much), and a whole bunch of random stuff that no one probably cares about. I hope if you’ve never been here before you decide to keep reading, I love finding new blogs to read.

Random Fact: Keene, NH- the biggest "city" near my hometown- had the world record for most jack-o'-lanterns carved and lit in one place, until Boston beat us in 2006.

In A Poetry Mood

2009-10-18T08:11:00.003-04:00

Just for anyone who didn't know- I'm a poetry nut. I love literature, and I'm sad that it isn't a major part of my life. But when picking a future career I decided that restaurant management was a lot more practical than anything literature related. Everyone needs to eat, less and less people care about reading.

That being said I am totally in a poetry mood and just went to blackle (just like google, but it doesn't hurt your eyes!) and typed in poetry, hoping I could find a few good poems to read to satisfy my yearning for the written word.

Luckily a decent site actually came up in my search! I will be saving http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/ in my bookmark. All my poetry books are at home, and even though I have my kindle (best invention EVER!) I don't want to have to buy the books again. I can always read Shakespeare on my kindle, it was on of the first things I bought since my copy at home is the complete works that is so heavy and impractical to read from, but I prefer reading Shakespeare out loud and my roommate/ cousin is asleep.

Now to share a couple of the poems with you.

anyone lived in a pretty how town
by E. E. Cummings

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

A Dream Within A Dream
by Edgar Allan Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand--
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep--while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Yes, the more abstract poems appealed to me this morning in my half awakeness. Hope you enjoyed them!

Honest Scrap Award

2009-10-17T15:58:00.004-04:00

The wonderful Nydia gave me this award! Thank you Nydia! <3

Here are the rules:

1) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged me.
2) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.
3) Share "10 Honest Things" about myself.

Here goes-

1. I am unbelievably selfish with my time. Not in the volunteering my time sense, I love doing meaningful volunteer work, but in the spending time with other people sense. This is one of the reasons I am having such a hard time making new friends! I love my 'me' time, and my me time doesn't include other people usually.

2. I tend to look for a deeper meaning in things.

3. I'm not very creative. I wish I were!

4. It takes me a long time to pick up a new skill or to change an old habit. No matter how often I tell myself that change is good I seem to fight it tooth and nail.

5. I feel like I'm using my religion as a crutch lately. Whenever I start feeling stressed or scared it comforts me.

6. Sometimes I wish I could just be like other teens and care about dating, movies, music, socializing, parties and trends. I just don't care about these things. It's so awkward to sit in a room and have everyone around me talking about things, like a band or movie, I know nothing about.

7. I love my body.

8. I have got an odd sense of humor that only certain friends seem to get. These same friends always know how to make me laugh!

9. Little things make me happy. Like walking across the lawn and stepping on all the wicked crunchy leaves! Why walk on the leafless paved path?

10. I'm usually very neat. It's a learned habit from living with my dad for 18+ years. He is an absolute neat freak! If the house wasn't clean to his standards then there was always yelling. Since moving into my dorm I have learned to ignore the mess. There is no possible way to keep a room this small clean!

Haha I just read through these, they really make me sound lame. They're all true, though. I guess when it comes to putting 10 honest things out there hardly anyone is going to look cool.

Now to pick people! I want to share this award with the new people I've met this month while participating in Mrs. B's 31 Days of Halloween along with a few people I've known for a while.

1. Rue and Hyssop

2. The Gods Are Bored

3. Angela

4. Suzie

5. Doug & Boo + Two!

6. Bex's Hexes

7. Jaz over at Octoberfarm

I'm sorry if any of you have already recieved this award! I hope I can get to know my blog buddies, both new and old, better. I wish I could have picked more people.

Happy Dance!

2009-10-14T14:22:00.002-04:00

I wanted to share that I did really well on my Practical! The written exam was easy, at least for someone like me who studies obsessively before tests. The cooking part of the exam was a bit more challenging. There were 7 things we had to cook, and we had to have at least 5 of them done in two hours or we had to take the whole thing over. Luckily I got 5 out of 7 done, so I only need to complete those 2 things on Saturday. I was pleasantly surprised with myself for doing so well.

I really don't have much to talk about. I thought I did yesterday, but then I started feeling kind of crappy. I'm feeling better today, but not 100%. I've been listening to PCP all day, and I watched episode 3 of House. Yeah, this is how I spend my day off!

I probably would have done more if I had been feeling 100% better. I know that since I started listening to PCP I have realized that, even though I've been studying this path since about 9th grade, I don't know very much. I know how ignorant I am, and I don't like it. I feel like I am past the "Pagan 101" type things, but I don't know what my next move is. Does anyone have any advice?

Pagan Podcasts

2009-10-11T15:35:00.004-04:00

I was watching a fellow Pagan teen's youtube videos and she mentioned Pagan Centered Podcast multiple times, insisting that anyone watching go there and listen. I took her suggestion and listened to their latest podcast, which just happened to be a live one, and I loved it! PCP is hilarious and informative. I plan to listen to the other 120 they have up. Check them out!

I'm NOT Procrastinating, I'm Just Taking a Break ;)

2009-10-08T20:18:00.004-04:00

Do, De, Do. I am totally NOT procrastinating on finishing my project for a class right now... Okay I am. But I just remembered that I with all my excitement about the package from Mrs. B. I had forgotten to share this with you all!

I bought my first tarot deck. =) When I first showed interest in tarot a few years ago I tried out a deck my dad had sitting around(a Rider-Waite one) and it just didn't feel right. The imagery and the energy both. So I've been searching around for some time. I finally found the right one for me! I haven't gotten a chance to work with it yet, but I will! It's a good thing I'm sharing a dorm with my cousin and not someone who might possibly have a problem with this kind of stuff.

Today's guest blog at Mrs. B's was about the history of tarot cards! Go check it out.

And I added a new button over there ---> for the Pagan Blogger's Network. It's a wonderful idea, trying to connect Pagan bloggers. If you are a Pagan blogger then check it out! Reading through the list I know a few of the people already, and I'm looking forward to checking out the blogs of people who I don't know.

I don't want to make this post about college, I have enough of those, but I just want to say that I really am adjusted now. And I'm liking it. "Let's get back to our sheep!" as my high school French teacher would say. I need to finish up this project.

Updates

2009-10-07T07:26:00.003-04:00

I just figured I would try and post something at least once this week, lol! I don't have much to say right now other than I am wicked busy with two school projects (one due Thursday one due Friday) and a practical exam coming up (next week!) that I need to study for. The practical is what is really scaring me. It is putting our cooking skills to the test. I am actually worried, something that never happened in high school! There is also a traditional test portion, which is the part I'm studying for. I'm making flash cards like crazy!

It's time for breakfast and my stomach is growling. Time to go! I hope I can find some time this weekend to get on and write another post.

Look What I Got!

2009-10-03T08:16:00.003-04:00

When I got home last night I was thrilled to find my package from Mrs. B. waiting for me! I was the winner of her 400 followers giveaway. She went all out! Thank you so much Mrs. B., I am going to have the coolest dorm room in the whole school!

On The Road Again....

2009-10-02T10:51:00.003-04:00

Yup, it's Friday! That means that tonight after our final classes my cousin and I will be packing my car and taking that long drive back home. Okay- it's only 1 1/2 hours if she drives, closer to 2 hours if I drive. It just feels like forever! As much as I am looking forward to my weekend and going home, I had a very good week here in Montpelier. Classes have been going well. I'm handling the stress easily now. I am sleeping better. Overall I think I am almost adjusted to college life! How exciting is that? Now I just need to make some friends and I might actually have something to do on weekends that would tempt me to stay up here.

At home last weekend I was supposed to do tons of baking and such, but the fact is I never got around to it. I was kept busy the whole time with other things. This weekend I might have some time! Last weekend I went to an Alan Jackson concert (I forgot to mention that, didn't I?) and it ate up a whole afternoon. This weekend I will have a few school projects to work on, but I am going to make time for fun! Like eating at a couple awesome restaurants (one of which I am considering as my internship site!) and getting outside in the cool Autumn air. Who knows, I might even get the chance to play with a certain little 2-year-old who I haven't seen in two months! Oh crap... he's 3 now! I missed his birthday.... So it looks like I need to do some shopping as well! What do you give a little kid who has everything?

I will be checking in with the blog-world, even if it's just briefly to see what wonderful things Mrs. B. is giving away! Yes, she works weekends. It is the 31 Days of Halloween! So make all her work worth-while and go see her! Say "Hi!" And don't forget to thank her, because she really has put in a ton of work to make this amazing event happen.

I may not be leaving until 5 o' clock, but how about some driving music?

It's Begun!

2009-10-01T07:20:00.002-04:00

Today is the first day of October, and you know what that means.... Mrs. B's 31 Days of Halloween starts today! If you've never been over to her blog, do so now! This is the most exciting blog event in all of October!

Born Under a Balsamic Moon

2009-09-30T10:28:00.004-04:00

Last week my parents went to The Big E (a fair)and while there they bought my sister and I these cool necklaces with a picture of the moon we were born under. My sister was born just before the full moon, while I was born just before the new moon. Together we complete eachother! When my parents saw this they decided that they had to buy the necklaces.

The moon I was born under is called a Balsamic moon. What moon were you born under? You can enter your birth date here and find out. When you do find out, this website has some great info about the different phases people are born under.

Here is what it says for the Balsamic Moon:

The Balsamic Phase is the last phase of the Moon's cycle. This is the time of adjustment from one cycle to another. It is the bridge between the past and the future. People born at this time are finishing an eight phase cycle of lifetimes. Therefore, this lifetime is a very karmic one. There is a pattern of very intense, all-consuming although short term relationships with people from the past including other lifetimes. These karmic ties are in need of resolution before continuing on into the next new cycle. These people often have pronounced psychic abilities. They are the visionaries seeing years ahead of their times. As children they often feel apart from their peers; they are loners. Balsamic Moon people are able to take the true meaning of a situation, distill it into its wisdom essence and plant it into the awareness of others. They are the gurus. Their job is the transmission of essential knowledge which will germinate at the next level during the next Lunation Cycle.

BALSAMIC NATAL PHASE, 315 deg - 360 deg.

If you were born during the Lunar Cycle of the Balsamic Phase...

This is a very karmic lifetime in which you are meeting all those with which you have unfinished business from the previous seven lifetimes before this one. Therefore, you may encounter many brief, but intense relationships. There is a need for completion, a sense of closure to occur concerning these individuals. This can be confusing at times. It may be helpful to ask the question either to the person or to yourself, "Is there anything I've ever needed to say, do or give to you, let me do it now. If there is anything you've needed to say, do or give to me let's not put it off any longer, let us complete it now." If you cannot finish something in person, you need to ask in meditation to be released, possibly to forgive or to be forgiven. Having a full past of prior lifetimes to reflect upon, you are a born visionary, a natural psychic with a bridge to the future.

You realized at an early age that you were different and may have pretended to be like everyone else to fend off alienation from peers. You may have been described as an unusual child, and may have even been regarded as the black sheep of the family. Others will recognize your special-ness. One of your unique qualities is to be able to take the key meaning of all situations and distill it into its wisdom essence. You can then transfer this awareness and consciousness in others to live beyond this physical life. Your commitment is to the future. By reckoning with the past, you can consciously make a break with it. You sense that something larger than yourself can manifest through you if you make the commitment to allow it to do so. For one to understand you at all one needs to look at what is happening THROUGH you. The transmission of essential knowledge is your purpose.

Blog Award

2009-09-29T08:27:00.002-04:00

Angela gave me this awesome blog award! Thank you Angela!

1.) Thank the person who gave this to you.
2.) Copy the logo and place it in your blog.
3.) Link the person who nominated you.
4.) Name 7 things about yourself that no one would really know.
5.) Nominate seven ‘Kreativ Bloggers.’
6.) Post links to the seven blogs you nominate.
7.) Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

The 7 things are the most difficult part of this! Okay, here goes...

1- I have arachnophobia. Yup. I am terrified of spiders! The big ones are freaky, but the little ones are even worse because they could be hiding anywhere.

2- I am a really picky eater. This is partially because of what I grew up eating. (My parents are not the healthiest eaters.) I am trying new foods while I'm here at school, but I still don't enjoy much variety.

3- Part of the reason I am such a picky eater is because I have a problem with certain food textures! I can't eat berries, even though I love their taste. I can't eat mashed potatoes. I can't eat any mushy vegetable really.

4- I snort laugh. My friends and family love to make me laugh just so they can pick on me after! This can be a problem if friends decide to make me laugh while we're eating in the cafeteria.... (There is a really embarrassing story behind that!)

5- I can't pronounce anything in Spanish. In 8th grade we had to try out the Spanish class to see if we wanted to take it in high school and I realized that I just can't pronounce anything! I especially can't do that weird tongue roll thing. This is why I took French in high school. It's too bad I'm required to take a Spanish class here!

6- I love romance movies. "Chick flicks" are just fun to watch. Tia and I could sit and watch them together every night!

7- I have naturally horrible teeth. I have had problems with my teeth since I was a little kid. At the age of 4 I had to be in the hospital for oral surgery to have those silver caps put on a bunch of my teeth. This runs in my family- my mom has dentures and she's only in her mid-thirties.

Since most of the people on my blog list have already received this award I am going to just say if you are reading this and don't have it, take it! You deserve it. <3

Choosing Apple Recipes

2009-09-24T20:43:00.003-04:00

When I go home this weekend (finally!) I am going to make tons of food using the apples my family went to pick last weekend. I've been collecting recipes this week and I had a hard time choosing! I can't make all of them, I found too many that I liked.

I think I am going to make- The Maple Baked Apple Bites Suzie talked about over on her blog. Apple crisp (and possibly freeze it.) Make and freeze either apple pies or apple turnovers. Make and can applesauce.

And I am really curious about how it will taste so I want to make some fried apple pies with a recipe I found. I mean, fried apple pie sounds awesome! Paula Dean, my heart would be healthier without you- but my taste buds would be missing out!

I am going to forgo the apple raisin muffins, apple zeppole, and apple spice glazed donuts. They sound good, but I don't have the time! I will share recipes for the other things sometime soon. I probably won't read blogs while at home, I am going to have so much to do. I will read my emails and update on Twitter, but only because they take only a few moments. I'm so happy to be able to spend time with my family. This weekend is going to rock.

Autumnal Equinox

2009-09-22T08:19:00.004-04:00

Happy Mabon to all Pagans! To any non-Pagans, happy first day of Autumn! I wish I had remembered sooner, I guess I've just been busy. I'm enjoying the colorful leaves, I even risked looking like a leaf peeper by taking some pictures this morning.

Often around Mabon we remember the myth of Persephone and Demeter. While eating grapes this morning, though, I recalled the story of the god Dionysus (aka Bacchus). As a god of the harvest he, like Demeter, symbolizes the death and rebirth cycle of nature. He has appealed to me since I first began researching him last year.

Unfortunately I don't live near a place where I can pick my own grapes, but we can pick our own apples! That has been a tradition in my family since I was little. We always go apple picking every year. They went last weekend, so there will be plenty of apples for me to make yummy stuff with when I go home this weekend. If anyone has any awesome apple recipes they think I should try, please post them or a link to them.

More Updates & Things That Make Me Laugh

2009-09-21T13:29:00.007-04:00

So, today is 'faculty day' which means no classes! I only wish I had known that before I drove all the way there... Ah well a free afternoon is a free afternoon! My morning was spent at an internship seminar. Here at NECI there is a mandatory 6 month (paid!) internship. I have no clue where I want to go for my internship, but I'll figure it out. I know the type of restaurant I want to work in, the same kind I want to eventually own, so I guess that's a good place to start.

My cousin and I went to dinner last night at one of the NECI owned restaurants. It is much fancier than we are used to! I got venison, which really didn't taste like venison. The reason? It was farm raised. How weird is that?! It tasted more like beef, not gamey at all. It was actually disappointing. It's been forever since I had venison, and when I do get it it doesn't taste like I remember. I wasn't surprised that the meal wasn't like I expected, I haven't eaten much here at college that I have liked. Yeah it's a culinary school, but we eat in a cafeteria with crappy cafeteria food. And whenever I go to one of the NECI restaurants I leave slightly disappointed with the meal. I can't wait until I go home next weekend! I'm going to make food I like and eat at a restaurant or two that I know I like. Plus I'll get to see my family and pets.

With my free afternoon I plan on checking out the NECI website a bit to look more into the pre-authorized internship sights. Later we are going to go to dinner and to see Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. I hear it's a good movie.

Edit- Back from the movie theatre. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs is amazing!

Now, just because I feel like sharing some random things-

I am re-reading the Oh My Gods! comics right now. I know I posted about this comic strip a while ago, but I think it's amazing. The creator hasn't posted a new comic since March, but he's been busy. He plans on starting it up again as soon as he can. Until then, if you've never read them there are 2100 to read! The strip started back in 2002.

My cousin has Stephen Lynch songs stuck in my head. She listens to his songs all the time. They are not appropriate, but they are wicked funny!

And lastly, have you heard of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac? I haven't had the chance to read the comics, but I am dying to! Someone animated the first comic and put it on YouTube. I'm looking forward to December when my birthday and Christmas roll around, because the books will definitely be on my list.

Avast Me Hearties!

2009-09-19T07:29:00.006-04:00

Avast! It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day! (And I be without even an eye patch here at school.) We be lucky enough that it falls on a Saturday this fine year. I know this pirate has plans for sailing around the city hoping to find some other pirates participatin' in this glorious holiday! It is the state's capitol for FSM sake! And there be many a crazy person about most of the time anyway.

I thought I'd just quickly post about this! It's fun, it's about pirates, and I want to let all you awesome people know that I'm okay. That last post was just the result of two consecutively horrible days. Wish me luck with finding some other crazy people to have fun with today! Don't forget to talk like a pirate. (C'mon, at least throw a 'me hearty' in there somewhere!)

Edit: I just realized that Tuesday is the Autumnal Equinox! Now I need to think of a way to celebrate it, because I totally and completely forgot. Suggestions?

Fail

2009-09-17T17:53:00.004-04:00

I'm ranting, venting, whatever. I'm stressed and I need to get it out. Read, don't read. Comment, don't comment. Doesn't matter. This is for me.

College is testing me... I'm still adjusting. The past two day have sucked, unbelievably sucked. Monday and Tuesday were great. I hope tomorrow is better. How am I dealing with stress? Horribly! It's not even all school. It's the million other things on top of school. Plus emotions I simply don't have the time to sort through. It's no wonder I'm not sleeping well, grinding my teeth, clenching my jaw, and having headaches.

I just keep telling myself I'm still adjusting. I'll get used to things in a little while. Then I'll be more comfortable here. Until then I guess I fail at life.

I did find something that made me happy today, though. There's a girl here who's from Keene. Someone besides me and my cousin who knows where and what my town is! It makes me want to go be her best friend. Too bad I'm too shy and dysfunctional at the moment. Damn, I really just don't know how to make friends.

The College Schedule

2009-09-15T07:19:00.003-04:00

Here at NECI they do things differently. Our classes change every 6 weeks. For this 6 week period I have 4 classes. My week looks like this-

Cooking Theory and Food Science from 1-7 Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
College Math from 9-11:30 on Thursday and Friday.
Information Technology from 1-3:30 on Thursday and Friday.
Inventory Management from 3:30-5 on Thursday and Friday.

Right now we get Saturdays and Sundays off! This makes me happy.

So far I've only been to Cooking Theory and Food Science. This is the class that takes place in the kitchen. And not just any kitchen but in the big ol' kitchen of a giant insurance company. Which we have to drive to. This means I'm kind of the cool one for having a car. ;) Yay me!

So far we have learned to make consomme, a clear stock or broth. It was kind of interesting. I've missed cooking. So even if I'm not cooking what I'd like to be cooking at least I get to cook. Being in a kitchen is fun and exciting. Always moving, always on task. That's what I like best. I'll like it better once I'm comfortable in the giant kitchen. I hate not knowing where things are or what I'm supposed to do. I'm a little worried that I won't pick up on enough of it and be that person in the class who's no good at anything. I'm not used to that... in high school I was one of the smart ones. Those classes were easy for me. This school is actually going to challenge me. I'm just waiting to see how I handle that.

Since my class Monday thru Wednesday doesn't start until 1 and on Thursday and Friday they don't start until 9 I could technically sleep in later than I'm used to, right? You'd think so, but no. My body doesn't work that way. No matter what time I go to bed I wake up around 6:30. I'm glad for this, I'll never be late to a class. At least not any of these ones. We will have a baking and pastry class at some point that starts wicked early in the morning. That's where the alarm clock comes in!

TV & Movies

2009-09-13T20:42:00.003-04:00

Books rock. I love reading, I think more people should read. But, honestly, TV and movies are fun. That's one reason why Hulu is turning out to be my best friend! Seriously- have you checked out Hulu? You can watch new episodes of shows the next day. I don't know how I would have kept up with The Simpsons or House. Both shows have new seasons starting this month. Who needs a TV when you have the internet, right?

Movies are a bit harder. I definitely do not keep up with most of the popular movies. People can sit and have hour long conversations about movies I've never heard of, let alone seen. It makes me feel stupid and left out. Maybe I just hang out with too many people who have different interests than I have? Plus, all the good movies come out around the same time. Have you ever noticed that? We'll go months without a decent movie in the theatres, then boom! One month at least 5 good ones are released. How can I see all of them? I can't. You'd think they would think about these kinds of things.

My cousin and I saw 9 tonight. It was disappointing. Tim Burton kind of let us down this time in my opinion. I will give it this: the animation was terrific, the idea was neat, and the overall message of the movie was good. I can't really pinpoint where it went wrong, but for some reason it didn't have that spark of genius most of his movies have. It didn't leave me inspired and wanting more.

I am looking forward to Tim's Alice in Wonderland. I really am. Especially since my favorite actor, Johnny Depp, is in it. He plays the Mad Hatter. Have you seen the posters? He looks freaky! March seems so far away...

What seems ever farther away is 2011 when Pirates of the Caribbean 4 comes out!Hooray for more Captain Jack Sparrow! So far I've heard Keira Knightley is out of the picture. I'm not sure about Orlando Bloom, so we may be seeing a bit of Will out on the sea. Geoffrey Rush is in, Barbossa makes it interesting! I also heard the director of the first three movies will not be directing the fourth. Apparently he wanted it to end at number 3, which would have been fine with me. Disney is being greedy, though. POTC made them some major cash, so it's understandable. All we can hope for is that they don't ruin it for the fans!

Okay, I'm done babbling about TV shows and movies. It was a good topic, though, you have to admit. I am trying to find more things to write about. I don't want my blog to be all about me whining about college. xD

More on College

2009-09-10T07:17:00.004-04:00

My first four days of actual class time at NECI ends tomorrow. Then we get a weekend off, which I will be spending here in Montpelier. I'm hoping to find the gym and eat at one of the NECI owned restaurants. Also I should probably tidy up the dorm room, since it's still a mess.

This week we haven't had any 'real' classes. It's success week, which means they're just trying to teach us a few basic things. How to get here, how to use the NECI online things, where the library is and what's in it, and the most interesting thing- knife skills. It's easily the most interesting, but it is also my most dreaded success week class. I was just worried about accidentally cutting myself. Instead, within the first 20 minutes I faint. I was dehydrated. That was probably the scariest thing that has ever happened to me, and I won't be letting it happen again. That was on Tuesday. Yesterday (Wednesday) I was nervous to go back. I was behind everyone else since I had no clue how to chop an onion, at least not the 'NECI way'. I still feel behind, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. We also learned how to cut celery, carrots, and garlic yesterday. By Friday apparently we're going to learn how to julienne.

It's cool to be learning new things. I'm looking forward to the time when I actually get to start learning the management side (in 3 months I think?). Until then I'll probably feel a little lost. I'm not very interested in how to cook 'the NECI way', it all seems a little fancy and pointless to me. I mean- crushing garlic is a lot faster than mincing it by hand, and squaring off a carrot just makes a lot of waste and doesn't make any difference in the flavor. I feel that cooking should be practical.

I'm just going to keep thinking about my plans for the future, which will make all this worth while. I know I should be living in the present, but I'm not a fan of college life so far. I'm hoping it gets better, maybe I'll learn to be more social! I still haven't broken out of my shell.

What I Miss Most

2009-09-08T08:55:00.002-04:00

This place is not a 'home away from home' yet. I don't know if it ever will be, mostly because of the things listed below. They are what I miss most about home.

Living in a house, not a room.
Being able to open the fridge or cupboard and decide what I want to eat.
Not getting lost when I drive somewhere.
My family.
My pets.
A real bathroom.
Visiting Aunt Jen on weekends and spending hours there.
Cooking for my family.
Having a sense of privacy.
Not paying for stuff.
My favorite radio station.
Watching TV or a movie with Tia.
Winchester jokes.
Hearing crickets at night.
The crazies in Brattleboro.
Comfort food.
Laying in bed talking to Tia for hours after we should be asleep.
"Night, love you, see you in the morning."

Full Moon Poem & College So Far

2009-09-03T13:24:00.005-04:00

Friday is the full moon. They included this poem in my datebook, and I thought it fit really well. For me at least.

Like the fruits of the vine, our lives too can change and ferment. As you gather the late fruit harvest of your labor, give thanks for the sweetness of life. From such sweetness comes pleasure and treats, but also fermentation and "spirits." Celebrate the ever-changing nature of life, dreams, and goals as you toast the scared ingredients- friends, family, and familiars- the loving relationships that mellow and ferment you. Honor Dionysus, god of wine and ecstasy. Invoke the balance of the light and dark, and evaluate the balance within your life. As you prepare for the growing darkness, readying yourself to move within, clean and declutter yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Balance will bring you steady footing throughout the challenging journey ahead.

-Dallas Jennifer Cobb

So far I am loving Montpelier. I've walked around, eaten at a little diner, and found the grocery store. My cousin has been here 6 weeks already, so she knows where everything is. I am lucky for this because I'd have gotten lost without her! Today was the first day of orientation. It was mostly paperwork. There is a dorm meeting at 8:00 tonight, and after we have dinner reservations at a restaurant for 8:45. I really hope the meeting is short, because I'd hate to have to cancel. I'm going with my cousin and some new friends. I'm excited that I am actually making friends! That sounds lame, but I mean it.

Dorm room pictures! It's a small room, but since I'm sharing with my cousin it makes it easier.

All the stuff on the window, and it's a nice sunny day today.

Mini-fridge!

My desk, covered in stuff. It will get cleaned off once I actually need to use it.

Decorations! Yeah that pirate flag is hung up with duck tape, and the sun is hanging on a shoe lace. xD Resourcefulness!

My bed, where I'm sitting now.

I'm Leaving Tonight!

2009-09-01T08:48:00.005-04:00

A change of plans has occurred and I am now leaving tonight for school! My cousin's car broke and she needs a ride. It was either me going early or her taking the train, and to be honest I'd like the company for the drive up there. I don't know if I ever mentioned the fact that my cousin and I are going to the same school. We'll even be sharing a dorm. She started in July, though, so she's been there a little longer.

My car is (mostly) packed. I have yet to put my blankets, pillows, electronics, food, or the new spider plant my Aunt Taunya gave me in the car. It's so full that I have to wonder 1- if it will be different to drive due to extra weight, and 2- if all that stuff will even fit in the dorm!

The back seat of my car...

Spider plant! I hope I don't kill it... Next to it is the sage which, surprisingly, hasn't died yet.

Everyone in my family is so nervous for me that I am trying not to be nervous myself. The excitement is more what I'm feeling now. I'm almost wondering what the big deal is, since I'll be home on Saturday. There are no classes until Tuesday since it will be Labor Day weekend. We have yet another fair to show at on Monday, another small town one where I can kick some butt and get ribbons and cash.

I think our littlest cat has figured out that I'm leaving, since she hasn't left my lap for more than 20 minutes at a time all morning. She's the one who comes in my room every morning and gets in my face as a way to say "Hey, wake up!" She's such a sweetheart. I'm going to miss our two cats and dog a lot. My friends say I'll go nuts without any pets, maybe I can find a Humane Society to volunteer at while I'm there?

Our little cat, Anastasia, curled up in my lap.

Since I am going up a whole day earlier I'll have time to explore the town/ city/ whatever you want to call it. I won't want to wander the whole time, though, so it's a good thing I have plenty to keep me busy. I can organize my stuff in my new room, read one of the books I brought, or I can read articles from the cool e-zine Mrs. B. just told everyone about. Check out Copper Moon! It's an online magazine for Pagans age 13-26. I read a few of the articles this morning and they really hold a lot of good information.

I'm off to take care of last minute things. Once my dorm is decorated I'll have pictures.

Updates

2009-08-29T17:48:00.004-04:00

Today was the day we went to another fair to show cows. I actually showed at this fair and, oh my gods, I'm glad I did! It's such a thrill going into the ring again. I placed well in all the classes I was in. I even walked away with the big purple ribbon I wanted! The only bad part was the rain. It makes keeping the cows clean a lot harder, plus we were all cold and miserable. Now that I have taken a nice hot shower, changed into warm, dry, clothes, and eaten I am fine.

Update: I couldn't resist adding this picture of my cousin Braiden. He looks so cute curled up with the cows.

I leave for school on Wednesday. I am still going back and forth between nervous and excited, but I know it's going to be alright. I guess that's one thing I've learned from my past 'going away from home' experiences. The leaving is the hardest part. The difference is- this time it's for real. I'm going to be living at my dorm, and for an extended period of time. It's not just for a week. I'm mostly worried about the little things. Like getting up there and realizing I don't have something. You know, those silly little things you take for granted when you're living with your parents. The things I don't need to worry about now. I almost guarantee that within a month I'm going to be asking "Hey, why didn't someone tell me living away from my parents would be hard!" I obviously know it's going to be difficult, but I don't fully understand what it means to be 'on my own' yet. It's scary.

One thing I think I can start worrying about now is the fact that three of the eleven textbooks I ordered off Amazon.com haven't arrived yet. The last day they can get here without being late it September 10th. That's a little too late for me! I guess I have to keep my fingers crossed that they get here sooner. Other than the books, I just need to pick up a few things at the store. And pack everything into my car... that is not going to be a fun car ride!

I know there was more I wanted to say, but I'm exhausted. If it comes back to be I'll jot it down and write it in another post. I'm gonna go lay down on the couch now and hope I fall asleep watching TV. Not before The Simpsons come on at 7:30, though. I kind of want to watch The Simpsons...

Summer Fun

2009-08-25T12:21:00.003-04:00

I wanted to put up a Youtube video of the song 'Summer Loving' from Grease. Then I realized that I haven't had a summer love, and it doesn't fit. xD Since I can't find a song that does fit I guess this post will remain video-less.

I've been doing a lot lately. I went to see Inglourious Basterds, which is an awesome movie! One that I suggest going to see. Then I went and saw Funny People, a not so awesome movie. I was disappointed with Adam Sandler. I usually love his stuff, but this movie just dragged on and wasn't funny. We actually left the theatre before it ended.

At home I've been watching all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies with Tia. We both love watching Johnny Depp. Plus it's PIRATES. Pirates totally rock. That's why I dressed up like one for Halloween last year. I'll definitely dress up like one again this year if I get the chance.

Yesterday I went for a short hike with my friend. It was short because we had gotten a ton of rain previously, so the trails were muddy, she didn't want to walk through all the mud. I'm planning on going for another hike soon. Maybe a different trail; we've got enough of them around here!

Like I said I would, though, I am running around like a mad person. I'm getting the errands done and cleaning the house. My parents say they're going to use me while they've got me here. This is one thing I won't miss while I'm at school...

Tia goes back tomorrow! She's not really looking forward to it. 8th grade isn't really any different from 7th grade at our school at least. She's lucky for the familiarity. That is what I'll miss the most.

We've got another fair on Saturday that we're showing at. I'll be going to the farm on Friday to clean cows as best I can so they're easier to wash Saturday morning. We have to be at the farm to load cows at 5AM, which means getting up around 4:30 or earlier. I am actually showing at this fair! There's the possibility of bringing home some cash, but what I really want is a giant ribbon. I've got a lot of ribbons from all of my past shows, but I don't have one of those really big purple ones. Call me silly, but I want one! It's a smaller fair, so my chances are good.

I'm wishing I had the Grease soundtrack right now, because I really do want to listen to some of the songs. Youtube, here I come!

Little Treasures

2009-08-21T09:04:00.005-04:00

Although the picture above is not one I took of my bracelet, mine looks almost exactly like it.

In Maine I was looking in all the little shops. In one I found a wrack of gem bracelets. I looked at every one, appreciating their beauty and considering buying it. There were a lot of different colors, so obviously I couldn't buy one of each. I couldn't choose so I resorted to reading the little meanings written as a description. I chose the one that said it is ruled by my Sun sign- Sagittarius. I got a beautiful blue Sodalite chip bracelet!

I got the description below from this website. I really liked the information given on this site, but unfortunately they have something that keeps people from copy and pasting anything off of it. I suggest visiting it, though, because they really did have a lot about different stones.

A stone of the higher mind, Sodalite helps the wearer to think rationally and form logical conclusions. It aids in releasing confusion as well as over-emotionalness and creates a stable atmosphere in which to deal with intellectual challenges, and brings a feeling of competence and well-being to those pursuits. Sodalite aids in understanding ones true feelings and helps to verbalize them. It is an excellent stone for working with groups as it helps the members to create an atmosphere of mutual trust and self-esteem, enhancing solidarity and enabling the group to establish common purpose and work together toward their goals. Calming and stabilizing, Sodalite stimulates thought and allows one to access their own inner knowing. It releases stresses, nervousness, angers and fears. An excellent stone for meditiation and a promoter of inner wisdom.

I don't know if my bracelet has stimulated my thought and allowed me to access my own inner knowing, but I do like it. I would love it if my stresses, nervousness, angers, and fears were released.

Yikes!

2009-08-19T08:10:00.003-04:00

I don't like to gripe and moan about money... especially because I consider myself lucky to have so many of the things that I do. But, damn, I can't help but wonder where all my money went? Then that little voice in my head goes "books, clothes, a Tracphone, stuff for school, A CAR!!" Oh, right... a car and college are both expensive. This makes me wonder if I should have just gone without a car while I am in college. Too late now I guess, since I've already bought it.

I've bought a lot of books lately. Both to read for fun, and just yesterday I spent a butt-load of money on textbooks for school. Even though I can look at and hold the things my money has gone to, I can't help but feel that I could have spent it more wisely. I hope that's just because I have no use for half the things until I'm actually in school. I'm sure I'll be thankful for having them once I need them.

Bad news about my computer. My grandpa can't fix it. He can't even figure out what's wrong with it. I bought it only two years ago... fully expecting it to last me beyond college. We may need to spend a couple hundred dollars (ouch!) and buy another warranty on it so I can send it back to the company and have it fixed. That may be cheaper than buying another computer, but I still need one for college. It couldn't have broken at a more inconvenient time. I may be taking my mom's with me...

As for the other stuff on my list-
My car is registered now! Luckily, my parents are taking care of the car insurance. I still need to get it inspected, have the oil changed, get good tires, blah, blah, blah (I don't understand cars).

I'm working on getting all the supplies for school.

I've cleaned the kitchen really well, but haven't started making and freezing meals yet. Thanks to the people who gave me suggestions!

I babysat Keagan for a while yesterday. He's started acting like a typical 3-year-old. I love him, though. And I got a bunch of great pictures! He's growing wicked fast. If you had told me three years ago that Jess and Dan's little boy would mean so much to me I wouldn't have believed it. I'm going to miss him so bad while I'm away.

TTFN! I am going to hang out at the farmer's market with a friend today. Maybe I can get a few more things done before I leave.

Stuff To Do Before College

2009-08-16T16:25:00.005-04:00

In the car on the way home yesterday I was making my 'to do' list of everything I need to do before leaving for college.

Get my computer back from Poppa once it's fixed (I need it for school!)

Get my car registered and inspected ASAP

Buy all the books and supplies I'll need for school

Make and freeze meals so my mom, dad, and Tia don't have to resort to frozen pizza & takeout while I'm gone (suggestions on what meals freeze and reheat well would be appreciated!)

Clean the house really well

Vacuum my car out (the previous owner hauled hay in it)

Pack my stuff

Babysit Keagan (I haven't seen him in weeks! I miss him...)

Print pictures to bring to college with me

Get a potted plant for my dorm room (I'll be in a city, want some nature with me)

Make Great Gram's relish

Contact NECI admissions about my questions

Hang out with my friends as much as possible

Orientation is the 3rd of September. I'm flip flopping back and forth between excitement and being so scared I want to throw up. Is college supposed to be like that?

There's No Place Like Home

2009-08-15T19:17:00.004-04:00

We got back from Maine around 11:30 this morning. We were all anxious to get going so we left pretty early. A week away really makes you appreciate everything you were away from. I missed the familiarity. Maine may still be a part of New England, but the smell and feel of the ocean and beach can make you forget that. I felt further away than we really were. I fell asleep for a while on the drive back, but once I began recognizing the scenery I rolled down my window and just smelled the air. It smelled fresh. Not like the salty ocean. Not like the exhaust fumes on the highway. But like trees and farms and, well, home.

It feels good to be back, even if I don't feel so good myself. Can you say sunburn? Yesterday I stupidly thought I could go without the sunscreen for a little while. I'd had it on the rest of the week, but with just those few hours without it I basically doomed myself to what I can honestly call my most painful and awkward sunburn ever. I was sitting in a chair and the tops of my thighs got burnt. So now every time I move my legs it hurts. It hurts even more when I stand. I got up this morning and fell back onto the bed! That'll teach me, won't it? Lesson learned. Never go without at least some sunscreen at the beach!

I'm exhausted. It's a combination of too much sun and too little sleep. I feel like a zombie while typing this. It turns out the wifi at our motel didn't work, though. So I have been dying to catch up with all the blogs I read. While I was in the middle of replying to a post what should happen? The power goes out! For about four hours. It gave me time to play with the dog and cats a bit and to read more of the latest book I'm reading. Would you believe I'd never read The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes before? Once I started reading them I found it hard to put my Kindle down.

What I need right now is a shower, some more time to poke at the cats and dog (I really missed them) and for my head to hit the pillow. I'll write more soon. I've got a lot to blog about!